- Hawaii lust - Jenna Ortega

045

So Dahlia lays there and stews in her regret, her frustrations, and tries not to think about what could have been if things were different. So she doesn't think about what would have happened if she hadn't told Jenna and kept it a secret, and she definitely doesn't think about what would have happened if she had felt the same way.

Dahlia assumes that if she hadn't told her, she would have wanted to become friends with benefits. That's where it seemed like it was going, at least, but she knows she couldn't have emotionally handled that, and it all would have probably ended badly that way too. Because if she had said she didn't want to do that with her, she would have gotten embarrassed and distant and probably would have stopped talking to her at least for a while.

But what would have happened if she had felt the same? Would they have kissed, and cried happy tears, and held hands while they told Maddie and her mom about how they're together? Would Jenna come over after class every day, but take naps in her bed with her instead of on the couch? Would she have finally said the words "I love you" out loud?

Dahlia gulps and shakes away all of her imaginations, refusing to indulge in her painful hypothetical scenarios. It didn't happen like that, and she has to accept it. Plus, even if they did start dating, Jenna is very clearly not a romantic like she is, so it's doubtful she'd want to do couple-y things with her like she keeps imagining they would.

Dahlia just sighs and stares out her window, desperately wishing she could take it all back and fix it. She still doesn't even know what possessed her to do something so careless and stupid.

Eventually (after not sleeping for almost twenty-four hours) she drifts off into a dreamless sleep. It's that sort of deep unconsciousness that feels like thick fog in your head and body, and it seems like you might never wake up. But she does.

Dahlia shifts in and out of sleep while she hears it: a vague hum from another room that gets louder and then quieter, and then louder again. Eventually Dahlia blinks her eyes open and stares up at the ceiling, her head pounding painfully now. Her headache is worse, and she's unfortunately hit with her shitty current reality, and she just wishes she was sleeping again. Because the headache, and the fog, and heaviness of her eyelids are pulling her back to it quickly.

But then she hears the hum again.

Dahlia sits up in bed then, propping herself up on her elbows as her heart starts pounding. She thought she had maybe imagined it in her sleep, but now that she's fully awake, she still hears it.

And then she recognizes the song: We Are the Champions by Queen.

"Maddie," Dahlia laughs out, pulling herself out of bed and making her way to the kitchen. She throws her bedroom door open and sees Maddie trying to pull her suitcase through the narrow entryway of the kitchen in annoyance.

"Holy shit, Dahlia," Maddie gasps, dropping her suitcase as she leans back against the counter and takes in a long, deep breath-her hand against her thumping heart. "I texted you but I didn't think you'd be home yet because I never got an answer. Not that that's anything new, but you know."

"I'm just so glad to see you," Dahlia laughs and gulps, walking over to pull Maddie into a hug. She feels relief that she's at least not alone anymore. "Seriously, you don't even know."

"Vacation with Jenna that bad, huh?" Maddie laughs, both of them pulling back from their hug to look at each other.

"Not...not exactly," Dahlia breathes out and rubs the back of her neck, avoiding eye contact and distractedly walking over to lean against a counter.

"Uh...what does that mean?" Maddie laughs a little, squinting her eyes and crossing her arms suspiciously.

"God, do we have any alcohol here?" Dahlia sighs, walking over to the fridge to scrounge through it. She sees ketchup, ham, and that's about it. Until she sees a beer in the bottom, and she takes in a relieved breath as she grabs it. Right as she's starting to pop the lid off, Maddie walks over and snatches it from her.