Today She Asked

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Why am I more forgiving of others
than myself?

She pressed me and asked me
Why am I more forgiving of others
than myself.

I stared into her face,
thinking of all the ways I wished
I answered her.

That maybe I deserve my misery.
That maybe I haven't earned forgiveness.
That maybe I have more faith in my family than me.
That.  That.    That.         That.            That

I don't know if I can forgive myself yet.

She thinks I am better.
Let her think this.
I'll be better off. Better soon.

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