The Monster's Stratagem (Lesbian Story)

47: The Unafraid

The pain in Syrena's eyes haunted Dawn as she made it back to her room, firmly shutting the door behind her as though she could put a barrier between herself and her sorrow. How dare she feel remorseful. What right did she have?

Sitting on the edge of her bed, Dawn fought the strong urge to throw something, to shatter the furniture around her the way she once had in that room that did not belong to her. Bringing her hands up to grip the sides of her head, Dawn had to concentrate on keeping it together. Very soon, she was going to lose it, and she didn't know how long it would take for her to regain her sense of self once she did. She ignored the voices that echoed throughout the room, the shadows that beckoned to her, the monsters that lurked in every corner and crevice.

She needed something to give her a sense of stability, anything at all. Taking a deep breath, and another, Dawn's body shook as she tried to balance herself. Seeing Alani had been a lot, seeing Syrena felt as though she had been struck. She did not know when she had grown so attached to the Commander. Perhaps it was the fact that she knew her, or the fact that Syrena had seen her at her worst moments and still offered her unwavering support, or the fact that they had unwillingly grown rather close throughout everything they had been through. Whichever it was, Dawn was at a loss without her now.

Like a prayer that she didn't know she needed answered, her door opened without warning, and in stepped the girl she had been wanting to talk to most.

"Syrena." Dawn whispered her name as though it had come from her very soul, as though she couldn't believe what she was seeing. She even pinched herself, waiting for Syrena's face to turn gruesome, or for her silhouette to jump and distort itself. She waited for any sign that might prove that what she was seeing wasn't real, but the sharp bite of pain did not remove the girl from her room, nor did her striking face change into anything else. Syrena stood solidly in the doorway, glaring at her. Oh how she had deeply missed that glare.

"You've been avoiding me." Syrena said, jaw clenched and letting the door swung shut behind her as she stepped further into the room, resting her spear against the wall.

As usual, Dawn's first instinct was to lie. "No, I haven't."

"Yes you have, don't lie to me." She kept her distance, eyes narrowing as she observed her apprehensively. Was she nervous? "Why?"

"It's nothing, Syrena."

Syrena looked down for a brief moment, seeming more vulnerable than Dawn could remember seeing her before. "Did I do something wrong?"

Dawn scoffed. "I don't think you have the capability of doing anything wrong."

"I must've done something." She insisted, taking a step closer. "Tell me so I can fix it."

I think I am just terrified of rejection. Hearing Syrena's words in her mind and realising that she must have been agonising over whether or not Dawn had decided to abandon her, Dawn softened her tone. "Syrena, you've done nothing wrong."

"Then why?"

Dawn sighed as she stood, walking towards the wall where an empty decorative vase sat comfortably on her dresser. With a flick of her hand, the vase went crashing to the ground, shattering on impact. Noting Syrena's obvious confusion, Dawn pointed at the destruction. "That is me, that is what I represent, that is what I can give."

"I don't follow."

"I am broken beyond repair, Syrena, and I will hurt you. Not intentionally, but I will." To prove her point, Dawn picked up one of the fragments and sliced her finger on its edge. "You are you, and who you are is too good to be next to someone as volatile as me."