The Beta's Unwanted Mate | ✔️ Complete

08 | because of you

“Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid.”

08 | because of you

•Olivia•

"What is a pretty girl like you, doing here all alone?"

I turned around to see who it was and gasped.

"Xander?" I whispered, shocked.

--Flashback--

It's our 2nd year anniversary and Xander decided to take me to a fancy restaurant for dinner.

"Xan!" I giggled as he tickled my sides before leaning in to kiss me.

I kissed him back, immediately. My arms wrapping around his neck and I angled our faces to deepen the kiss. He moaned in approval and put his arm around my waist, moving his lips against mine.

I didn't feel any sparks- nothing. But I still liked it for some reason.

Sparks can't really exist, right? It's just fanatasies.

My thoughts were interrupted when Xander began pushing his hand up my shirt, touching my skin.

I clenched his shirt, not liking the feeling. I didn't like it when he touched me like that.

But he took it as a signal of pleasure and began touching me further up.

His finger brush the base of my bra and I gasped, pulling back quickly.

"Stop!" I said, strongly. "How many times have I told you, Xander? I am not ready yet! Why do you always have to ruin our kiss like that?"

My breathe came out in pants as I was angry.

Not with him. But myself.

I mean, I get him. He is a male with hormones and we have been going out 2 years now. It should be normal to be intimate.

I should not have a problem with having sex with him.

But for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to do that.

The mere thought of doing it with him repulsed me for some reason and I couldn't stop myself from pulling away.

Again, my fault. Not his.

He always stops though. Every time I pull away, he stops.

But I can tell that he's frustrated.

"Fine." He said curtly, his jaw clenched and he fisted his palm as we drove to the restaurant.

The entire ride, it was silent. Neither of us spoke.

I bit my lip and looked up at him through my lashes. He looked pissed.

I sighed, blaming myself. Maybe it was my fault? Maybe I was being too selfish by asking him to stop? Maybe I should do it. Maybe I should give my virginity to him afterall. He deserves it. He's been with me for last 2 years.

Maybe I should just give up to him.

---

"What would you like to have miss?" The waiter asked me and I looked up.