It's Not Perfect

Chapter 22

I waited patiently for Ryder to wake up.

Hours passed while I watched his bruised and broken body rest, his chest rising and falling slowly at times and more rapidly at others. The longer I watched him, the darker his bruises turned until they were a purple so dark they rivaled a midnight's sky. A desperate longing to apologize swept over me after the first hour, it was my fault he had these bruises after all and it was up to me to fix everything. But how could I? Ryder had already been beaten, there was nothing I could do to cure the blackened bruises that marked his body like a warning.

And in a way it was a warning.

Miguel wasn't going to tolerate this anymore. Ever since I came into the picture, Ryder hadn't paid more attention to me than the fights and Miguel didn't like that. I knew, as well as the rest of fighters, that if you pissed off Miguel it was like pissing off God. The only way I could think of for Ryder to reinstate his trust with Miguel was for Ryder to somehow prove he cared more for the fights than for me. But I think we all know Ryder would never put the fights before me, not after what happened last night.

And that was another thing I had to worry about.

Duke was back and now that Ryder had offended him, he was back with a vengeance even worse than I could ever had imagined. Brooklyn returned to our apartment to fetch us both some clothes, only too find that the place had been completely trashed. I wonder who could have done that (note my sarcasm).

What could I do?

This question had been wandering in and out of my mind for most of the day and now that the sun was setting, the thought became ten times more prominent. Where was I going to stay? Duke obviously knew where I lived. Brooklyn and I both couldn't move into Ryder's apartment, it was against school policy. Although, we had much bigger problems to worry about than getting a disciplinary referral. But it wasn't just Brooklyn and I staying in Ryder's apartment, it was everyone else too. Will, Xavier, Maria, Julie, Cody, Aaron. Even Anita had stopped by though she wouldn't spare me a second glace.

But it was Chase that truly broke my heart.

He sat next to his friend the entire day. Sometimes he'd get up to retrieve a wet cloth which he placed on Ryder's forehead, but other than that he wouldn't move. He wouldn't eat. Just like me. And I understood why. Knowing that Ryder was still unconscious, unaware of what was going on around him...knowing that for the first time in forever Ryder was vulnerable...it was a awful feeling that plummeted in your gut like dead weight. Chase and Ryder were like brother's, they cared for each other even more than their actual families. How could I have possibly come between that? How could I walk in and screw up not only Ryder's life but everyone else's as well?

What kind of person was I?

"You two need to eat something." Maria stated quietly, her perfect blonde hair pulled up into a high ponytail to keep it out of her face. She looked down at the ground, her fingers wringing behind her back, "Anita cooked a really nice meal. Why don't you come try some of it? Ryder will still be here when you get back."

"I'll eat when he does." Chase mumbled without looking at his girlfriend. Her cheeks paled, her eyes falling to the floor again.

But I gave her a weak smile and nodded, "Don't worry. We'll be fine."

She smiled back at me but I could see her uncertainty behind it. We were all worried, Ryder was a major part of our lives. And I knew this beating wasn't too serious, I mean he's been fighting since he was like twelve. But I couldn't hide the feeling in my gut.

The feeling that somehow this time was different.

Call me paranoid, go ahead. I probably was being paranoid but did that mean I wasn't right? If I had been just a little more paranoid when I first met Ryder, I wouldn't have gotten attached to him. And none of this would have happened. Ryder would still be living his life the way he wanted to without having my problems now gunning for his life. Granted, I'd probably be dead, but sometimes I wondered if it wouldn't be better for me to die anyways.