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A shiver ghosted down her spine as Adrena watched over Castle Black, her eyes narrowed to see if she could find or see any threats. Jon and Sam stood behind her, facing the other way and neither of them spoke to her. She liked it that way. The less they spoke, the faster this would be over with, and then she could go back to her original plan. As soon as she killed Jon, she wouldn't be stuck in this place any longer. She had to do it soon and then she'd be free of the pain that constantly haunted her. Or maybe, it wouldn't go away and she'd be stuck with it for the rest of her life.
"What was she like?" Adrena groaned and threw her head back, considering jumping off the Wall to escape this conversation. Jon looked behind him once, sort of terrified that the girl would kill him when he wasn't pay attention. But it seemed she had other plans, and those were to keep the people safe.
"She... she had red hair." Jon replied after he turned back around. Sam looked at him oddly in response to his statement.
"Oh? How big were her feet?"
"Well, what do you want me to say?" Jon asked, obviously a little uncomfortable. Adrena stared off into the distance, imagining herself anywhere other than here. It was painful to listen to them discuss girls.
"I want you to tell me what it was like to have someone. To be with someone. To love someone and have them love you back. We're all gonna die a lot sooner than I'd planned. You're the closest I'll ever get to know it." Adrena held her hands over her ears in an overdramatic way, hoping the two men would get the hint. It didn't work and they continued to talk, forgetting she was there.
"So you and Gilly never-"
"No... she just had a baby!" Sam responded, defensively and then he paused before continuing. "...And she never offered."
"But if she had, you would've? You'd have broken your vows?" Jon seemed like he was hoping Sam would say he would. Adrena grew interested in what they had to say. Would she break a vow for someone she loved? Most likely not, considering she had vowed to not let anyone in like that.
"The interesting thing is, our vows never specifically forbid intimate relations with women." Jon hummed in reply, signaling for him to continue. "I shall take no wife" yes, that's in there, there's no denying that. "I shall father no children" it's very specific. But what our vows have to say about other...activities...is open to interpretation."
Adrena walked to their side of the post, pushing herself in between them. She crossed her arms and glared at the both of them. Jon seemed cautious of her, considering she had almost killed him the last time they were up here. Though, right now all she could think about was the Wildlings attacking soon.
"You know, at the beginning of this watch, I wanted to push you off the Wall." She pointed to Jon, her eyes blazing with annoyance. "Now, I'm considering throwing myself off."
Sam chuckled slightly. It was nice to see this side of her, and quite odd. She was definitely something else.
"We aren't used to girls being around." Jon muttered and tilted his head slightly down to look at her. Adrena narrowed her eyes at him. It was odd to not think about killing him for once. The thought still echoed in her mind, but it wasn't as prominent. It felt nice to not feel so suffocated by the thought.
She turned on her heel, walking down to the walkway that led to the lift. Jon and Sam followed behind, talking quietly to themselves about Gilly and the other girl. She leaned against the post, her arms crossed over chest as she waited for them to finish.
"Go get some sleep, Sam. I'll take this watch." He patted his friend on the shoulder, and watched as he shut the gate and went down in the lift. Jon stood there for a minute longer, lost in his train of thoughts before turning to her. "You should sleep, too."
Ignoring him, she walked back to the top of the wall where they had been previously. Jon followed silently, taking his side of it. Her eyes scanned the area down below, her senses on high alert for any movement. The two of them stood in silence, doing their duty to protect their people. That was until Jon broke it.
"Why do you hate me so much? I don't even know you." His voice was timid and she closed her eyes briefly, letting out a deep breath. It was all coming back to her. The night where her father was stabbed in the back; the clear picture of her running over to him, holding his head in her small arms. The way he choked on his own blood just to tell her he loved her one last time. The way Ned Stark dragged her away from his body before his people burned the body. The way she was forced to watch her father's body burn to a crisp.It was all so vivid. It was all too real.
"I-I should get some sleep." Adrena left without allowing him to reply, and Jon watched her go with sad eyes. He wanted to chase after her and beg her to tell him why she was the way she was, but it wasn't his place. He tried to convince himself that he should leave her alone, keep away and perhaps, she would forget her need to kill him. But he could not do it. Something about her drew him in, and he yearned to know more about her.
Adrena swore the lift couldn't get down fast enough. When it finally got down to the ground, she quickly walked to her room. She slammed the door open and leaned against it, slowing shutting it with her back. She took a few deep breathes, attempting to calm herself before something happened. It was beginning to become harder to control herself and her emotions. For nine years, she trained herself to get her revenge and kill when it was necessary. Yet the longer she was around Jon, the more she felt her training crumble away. Her feelings had never gotten in the way until she met him. He was easy to hate and she always felt the urge to kill him because of his resemblance to Ned. He brought up the memories she tried so hard to repress, and she needed to act quickly.
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author's note: this is short as well but i don't wanna crowd so much into one chapter and i think the next one will be pretty good. i've had it planned out for so long
