Dreamland [editing]

twenty four

Tuesday was the first day during which I wasn't asleep for at least 14 hours.
I had a tiny bit of motivation somewhere inside me, so I used that to paint.

The paints that Scarlet got for me were actually really good and I spent the entire morning painting. I'd recently started associating music with specific paintings of mine, and the whole listening to music and painting thing gave me a whole lot of energy.

I got a few other visitors during the day, which was not very fun, but it felt sweet I guess.

I've always found it weird when people gave deep meaning to their art. It just wasn't like that for me. I did art cause it was fun, not because every piece had its own meaning.
People also often tried interpreting my art, which annoyed me, because it never meant anything in the first place.

I took a sip of water, and saw the note my dad had written for me.

The incident of the crash played in my head yet again. If I had just payed attention in the last moment, I would've just drove past the truck. I kept seeing myself drive past the truck instead of crashing, which was reassuring in a way...but extremely frustrating.

I had no one to blame but myself, for the fact that I wont be able to walk for weeks and run for months.

I wanted to go on a trek. I wanted to go to mountains and forests and run. And maybe it wasn't going to happen either ways, but at least otherwise, I had the option.

The thing is, whether I'm actually going to do something or not, I want to have the freedom to do it.

The sound of the door creaking open took me away from my thoughts momentarily. I turned to the entrance of the room and saw Levi enter.

Jake, Levi and I  had ended up spending a lot of time this summer. Every time we went somewhere, Ryan and Scarlett would sneek out for a while.

"Hii, how are you feeling?" Levi asked, plopping down on a bean bag a few feet away from my bed.

"I'm fine," I smiled.

He gave a small pause and sighed
"Jones, I'm really glad you're okay," he said softly, placing his large palm on my hand, and looking straight at me.

I frowned, and gently squeezed his palm, remembering how Scarlett had said the same thing when we hung out.
"Me too," I mumbled.

God, I really didn't deserve them.

Moments later Jake walked in,
"Hey, how are you?" He asked.
"Fine," I said.

"Here," he said, handing me a medicine and some water, "the nurse told me to give this to you,"

"Oh, thanks," I said, taking the medicine in my mouth, and gulping it.

He took my empty glass of water, and placed it on the side table.

"Stop," I complained when Jacob playfully squashed my face with his palm.

He chuckled and sat himself on one of the chairs.

"Where are the others, they should be here by now," Jake said, looking at watch .

"Asher's leaving?" Levi asked scrolling through his phone.

"Oh...yeah, he's starting at JF high from next month," Jake replied.

"JF high? Fuck, that's hard on the football team,"

"Bro isn't his dad out of Jail next month?"

"I think s-

The door creaked open, interrupting Jake, and from the entrance of the room, I expected to see Scarlett, or Ryan....and a small part of me hoped that it was Aiden.