Rebel Heart [#1]

THIRTY-SIX - Christmas

 M    E    L

It's safe to say I haven't called him back. Not because I have a habit of saying something and doing the opposite but because I have been feeling funny.

Nausea and dizziness have been attacking me daily ever since that run. Unfortunately, the appointment I scheduled is not until the twenty-ninth, so until then, I'll lay low, at home, and rest. I'm hoping this...virus goes away in the meantime.

Today, though, there is no escaping family. It's  Christmas. As much as I love spending time with them, today will be a struggle, even if I have popped in pills to get me through the day.

I have been able to dodge Shane since Rosa is one of those crazy Christmas ladies. He's barely been home the last few days. He didn't even come back last night, but it's understandable since it was Christmas Eve.

Once I am showered and dressed, I catch my keys and phone and head to my mum's home, a short eight-minute walk. The street is empty and silent. It's usual for this day, when the families are bundled up together, opening gifts and eating lunch together as a family.

It's sunny but still chilly. The perfect weather for Christmas. The decorated houses with lights on their façades, and small Santa dolls hanging on the windows, as if to pretend they are trying to get in and leave the gifts inside the homes. The view brings a small smile to my lips. I am not too keen on the holiday itself but I like what it represents, what it should be about. The most important thing for me, family.

As fast as the word brings a smile to my lips, it rips it away, too. A part of the family I never needed is back.

Back with requests, I have no intention of committing to. I won't do what he did, I won't abandon my mother, my grandparents, or Shane and Wayne.

I finally reach the house. Inside the first thing that hits me, it's the sweet and warm scent. The smell of food.

I wince, afraid it will bring the nausea back, but weirdly enough, it doesn't.  Instead, my nostrils relish in the scents of cinnamon, baking, and roasted loin. I take a deep breath and take it in while I can.

I've always had a sweet tooth, and Christmas sweets are my favourite, the French toasts, our Bolo-Rei, which is a type of fruit cake, and the non-traditional but my favourite strawberry cheesecake.

"Avó, cheguei!" I tell my grandma I have arrived before taking the shoes off, and padding further into the house.

She's in the kitchen finishing up the details for lunch while my mom sets the table. I quickly head over to kiss my grandfather the forehead while he grunts in response to how I am in front of him and he can't see the TV. He's always been grumpy, but we're used to it. We tease him a lot and get good laughs off of it. He tries not to show it, but he enjoys it most of the time.

After kissing my mom and grandma, I grab the tray with the loin while my mom brings French fries, the vegetable porridge, and grandma brings some drinks.

We all sit down, speaking, laughing, and exchanging the food between us to serve ourselves. It feels nice, allowing me to forget the torments that have been running free in my mind for the last few weeks.

Unfortunately, these sweet moments that give me a little speck of normalcy aren't enough to keep my mind off of everything.

These three people mean everything to me, and being able to come to them and feel the love and comfort, is not just needed. It's crucial.

It only cements my decision. Abandoning them is not an option, putting them in danger even less of it. And Mr  William will have to suck it up.

My biggest issue is Luca... how to get myself out of this is what's making me struggle to keep my head above water.