A Familiar Prison

Chapter 28

"What it seems to me," Piper said, after hearing Gwen's dream, "is there's an underlaying fear of people leaving you, being forgotten. Being a middle child can make you feel forgotten. I... I was a middle child as well. But my circumstances changed, and I am now the oldest of my sisters." Piper got a distant look on her face. "My point is, you can feel forgotten, ignored, and you feel you have to be more boisterous to get the attention the younger and older siblings get."

"I just know it terrified me. It still does. I feel like I'm walking on egg shells just to make sure I don't mess up, and make him want to leave. Maybe a part of me knows he won't, but at the same time, with all that we've gone through, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to just be done and go live a "normal, better" life... where he doesn't have to worry about his wife being kidnapped or having her fight for her life, or him having to fight for his life." Gwen had tears in her eyes. "I was ready to walk out the other day. Trying to protect him. I even wrote a good-bye letter..." She hands Piper her letter.

Piper reads it with a furrowed brow. "Do you still feel this way?" Piper asked once she finished the letter.

"Yes and no. I do, because like I said, he can leave if I mis-step. No, because we talked a bit, and he did write a letter to me trying to comfort me."

Gwen handed Piper AJ's letter. Piper read it over with a smile on her face. "He truly is a gem. He reminds me of my Leo."

"He has been and still is so wonderful. I truly love him with all my heart, but that's what makes me want to leave too. I want to protect him from all this chaos. He can fall in love again, he doesn't deserve to be put through all this."

"What did AJ say when he read your letter?"

Gwen looks down and blushes.

"He doesn't know about it, does he?"

"No. I was going to leave it when I left so he knew I was safe and wouldn't come looking for me."

"Gwen, you know this is going to eat at you. As long as you have this letter, you have an "out." If you really want to stay, throw that letter away. You say you want to leave to protect him, that he can fall in love again, but what about his feelings? Shouldn't he get a say in your life together? He clearly loves you so much. How do you think this would affect him? Think of the way he is with you. A love like that doesn't just go away. He would be devastated." Piper looks knowingly at Gwen. "My husband and I have had to fight hurdle after hurdle to be together. I know how it feels to have to fight for your love. But know this. You can win if you want to put forth the effort. The hurdle of the Grandparents is over, right?"

"Last I knew, they weren't sure if they found the bodies."

"That's why you want to run, to keep protecting him. Because you don't know where they are." Piper said, with a knowing look.

"Yes."

"Running won't solve anything though, will it?"

"It will keep him protected. If I'm not there to cause him to get hurt, then he is safer away from me."

"Gwen, I want you to really think about this. Why walk away from the love of your life when you don't have all the facts? You both are deeply in love with each other, you want to stay together, then do it. The only threat is an 'if.' He has talked to you about him not going anywhere, correct?"

"Yes." Gwen looked down again. "But what if- "

Piper shook her head and held up her hand. "Gwen, you can't live your life scared of the 'what if's.' If that were the case, you wouldn't have a life at all."

Gwen sighed. She knew Piper was right. "I know. I just want to keep him safe. I don't want anything to happen to him."

"Think of it from his perspective- men normally try to protect their family, and he hasn't been able to protect you fully, right? If you leave, how would that make him feel?"

"Like he failed me." She thought a minute. "He probably already does because of me being kidnapped the first time and the car accident...." Gwen quietly mused.

"So, would running solve either issue?"

"No." Gwen put her head down. "I guess I may be making a bigger mess of this."

"Your feelings are valid with wanting to protect him. You're just going about it the wrong way. What else could you do to help this situation?"

"Talk to him about what's going on, or to my friends if I can't talk to him."

"That's a start. Daily affirmations together will help as well. Just know he loves you, you love him, and you can solve anything together."

"Alright." Gwen nodded.

"Let's keep your appointment next week, but if anything else like this comes up, feel free to call and get another appointment. Keep journaling. Also keep using the imagery rehearsal in your dreams."

"Will do. Thanks Piper."

"You're welcome. You have a better day, and we'll see you next time!"