Destined

32

Yaz

26 years old.

Two years earlier, in Tokyo, Japan.

I grip the paper in my hands, crumbling it. I'm in my office. It's been two hours since Akasuki died and I don't think I've ever been this disoriented. When I had walked into the house, Haru and Levi were still sleeping, Toru watching them. I was a mess, still crying and shaking. I still am.

My hands are trembling and every time I stop crying the tears come back. The time between his death and me walking into the house is blurry. I remember ruffling through the guys clothes, who killed Akasuki. I remember finding a clip with the Yama symbol on him.

But I don't remember anything else. I don't remember talking to the cops. I don't remember any of it.

I'm trembling from anger or sadness. I don't know. But all I know is Isamu killed Akasuki. I know that he wanted to trick me. I know too much. And this paper confirms it.

Dear Yaz,

I've decided to move back to the U.S. I know that you're pregnant but I don't think I can do this anymore. It was a last minute decision. I know that you'll be mad at me but you'll get over it. I'll be happy in the U.S. And I think you'll be happier without me. The truth is, me and you would never have worked out. Just know that I'm safe somewhere else and I hope you are too.

Sincerely, Akasuki.

I let go of the paper and it rests on the desk. I start to pound on it with a clenched fist, so hard that there's blood. I'm crying again. The letter isn't even believable. It's not his handwriting and he would never do that. It doesn't even sound like him.

I drop my face into my hands. All the evidence points to Isamu. Suddenly I'm standing and throwing things. They are crashing against the walls. Shattered on the floor

His blood is still on me.

I dig my palms into my eyes and run them through my hair.

I miss him so much.

I'm screaming and it's agonizing. I hit my head over and over with my hands.

Looking towards the floor I see a picture of me and him. I pick it up brushing away the shattered glass that cuts my fingers. Levi and Haru are there too. We look so happy. We look like a family.

We were a family.

I let out a sob. Why? Why does this keep happening to me?

The floor is a mess. Everywhere is a mess. I am a mess.

The door opens and I look up. I must look crazy. With my messy hair and tears. With the dried blood on my clothes. His blood. With my blood in my hands, mixing with his.

Isamu walks into the office, shutting the door. There's a flicker in his eyes when he processes the room. Confusion or surprise? I don't know. When he looks towards me I see a sense of shock pass him.

He doesn't know that I know.

"What's wrong?" He asks, sounding worried.

He means to comfort me.

Anger blinds my vision for a moment, "What are you doing here?" I spit.

He's not taken back by my anger. As if he expected it. "I heard what happened." He takes a few steps closer, "Akasuki was an asshole. He never liked to stay in one place for long."

He thinks that I think that Akasuki left. Went to the U.S. He thinks I'm an idiot.

I clench my hands, "He wasn't an asshole. You are." I throw a paper weight at him, "How do you do that?"

He clenches his jaw, "I'm just trying to comfort you, Yazlin."

I dig into my pocket pulling the pin out and throwing it at him, "I know what you did!" I shout. Tears are still streaming down my face.

There's something that passes his expression but then his face is calm and blank, "You and him would never have worked out."

I let out a breath of disbelief, my voice coming out gravelly, "You're not even going to try to deny it?"

"Why would I, Yazlin? Things will be better now that he's gone." He says shaking his head as if I'm the one in the wrong.

I'm staring down at my hands, "It's his blood on my hands." My voice cracks.

"I'm sorry you had to see it." He says, sympathy sounding in his voice. But I know better. He's always been manipulative.

I walk over to him a new sense of rage overwhelming me, "It's your fault!" I shout, shoving the paper into his chest, "You ruined everything!"

My hands are in my hair and I'm tugging at my scalp. Looking for all the world like I'm going to break. And it feels that way. Like I could snap at any moment.

He reaches for me but I flinch away, still crying. "Yazlin," bringing his hands back to his side, "I had to kill him. He would have ruined the plan."

I give a bitter broken laugh, "What plan?!" My arms are folded over my stomach, "God, Isamu, how many people have to die before you kill me too?! I loved him! I really," A sob makes its way up my throat, "loved him."

Isamu steps closer to me, "You didn't love him, Yazlin. He would have ruined everything."

I step away, "You don't even know what love is! He didn't ruin anything! You did!"

He shakes his head not seeming to hear me, "We can get married, now that he's gone!"

I snap. When he says those words I snap. "Get out." I say with a deathly note in my voice.

He killed him because he wanted to get married. The thought sends a chill through me and I don't think I've felt this way before. Like I could kill him with my bare hands.

He takes a step towards me, "Yazlin-"

He doesn't want to get married because loves me. He wants to get married because it would give him power.

"Get," I turn away from him, still crying, "Out."

"Yazlin, be reasonable." He says, his hand grazing my shoulder.

I spin around, pulling the gun out of my pocket, and shooting him in the arm. The one that reached for me. He's shocked and he stumbles back, cursing under his breath.

"Why would you-" He starts.

"Get out." I say again with a sob. "Get out.Get out! Get out! Get out!" I shout the words over and over, barely being able to see him through my tears.

I fall to the ground still holding myself when the door shuts. I'm sobbing so hard. I can't breathe. It's never been this bad. It never hurt this bad. Not when mama died, or papa. Not when Lyn died, or Haru.

I've never been this broken. I can see the piece of me I've lost. I see the space Akasuki use to be and I feel empty.

I cry and I feel even more empty.