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Shards - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

Shards was written by Doggo_Gal. It is an ongoing story following hospital patient Sadie after an accident, and while on her journey, she encounters people like Jamie and Logan, who she has strange encounters with. Fearing Jamie holds the key to her escape, she does her best to take it from him, but not all is as it seems.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

My favorite part of this story is the concept. From the beginning, I was interested to see who this main character was, why she was recalling all these life events, and what happened to her that put her in such a position. However, my intrigue only built when the first chapter came to a close and it seemed there was more to the puzzle about Sadie's injuries. Not only in the way her mother acted, but in the way Sadie herself seemed dazed, almost as if she was never there to begin with. Whether that's literal or metaphorical, it's still fascinating to think about, and I think you crafted a compelling, thought-provoking narrative surrounded by strong characters (that I will talk more about later) and interesting themes of mental health and injury that blend well with your chosen concept.

Moving more generally, the writing style is fun to read. I've been on record many times saying I strongly dislike first person—there's no specific reason why, I just much prefer third—but I was pleasantly surprised with the way first person was used to get up close and personal with Sadie and to almost create a sort of unreliable narrator where we have no idea if what we're seeing is real or not. It's like an onion where there are countless layers we can peel away, but we don't know which one is the final one, and maybe we never will, maybe we'll keep searching, or maybe we're just having fun reading and not worrying about it, but either way, reading this story provides a unique experience, especially compared to the rest of the Wattpad landscape.

To put it more simply, you used the first person well and made me believe this story absolutely had to be written in first person, which is good. Point of view is important and shouldn't be chosen willy-nilly—it should have purpose, and you gave it just that, making it a lot easier to connect with Sadie and the rest of the world you built.

The style is personal, funky, and has many entertaining moments that really connected to the chosen POV. It's personal to Sadie and feels like it was written by her. If you can take a story and make it feel like it's written by the protagonist, that's a very good thing, especially for first person, so good job with the POV and style in this book.

Throughout the narrative, there are plenty of twists and turns, moments where we question what was real and what wasn't, and scenes where the story goes all big and crazy (in a good way), and those kinds of plots are the kinds that keep readers engaged since we never know what will happen next. What you don't think will happen does happen, making for an intriguing reading experience.

In general, the plot is good and has good pacing. Events unfold at steady rates and aren't vague but mysterious enough to keep us guessing. It's a good balance between being too mysterious and being too tell-y, so that's another thing you executed well.

Lastly, I think it's important to talk about the characters as this is a character-driven narrative where the emphasis is on Sadie and her relationships, like the one she has with her mother, Jamie, Logan, the nurse, and even the one she has with herself. Sadie's battle within herself as she goes back and forth wondering what the right solution could be is fascinating to watch unfold, and I also like how she stands up for herself, but also not to the point where she becomes annoying and overly "bad girl" like, if that makes sense. She has the right amount of sass and smartness that makes her believable, but she also has cracks that show during the more emotional moments throughout the narrative published so far.