All In

part 16

anx·i·e·ty
aNGˈzīədē/
noun

a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

•••

at three in the morning, harry's camp recieved notice they would be moving to the front lines, and folding with another battalion, majority canadians, where they would remain until someone was defeated.

no one dared comment in ranks, but everyone became much more pale, and terror broke when they returned to their quarters that evening.

men sobbed and packed carefully, sure not to disrupt their rolls with their shaking hands and numb fingers. some kept completely quiet, limiting movement, as if in shock, as other men attempted to help them.

harry kept quiet, not nearly in shock, but in his usual self, packing his things in order and folding the cot already, as many men had done to place in the travel vans, niall pacing next to him, panicked but quiet as well, not wishing to add fuel to the flames.

"what do you think will happen, haz? i mean, how many do you think will live? i haven't written to my mother yet, i should do that. i'm quite nervous really and she helps with-"

"niall." harry's calm yet sharp voice stopped him, the irish man looking up and planted his feet. "it'll be what it'll be."

the boy shook his head, looking down at the ground again but kept his feet firm, "you can't say that and be okay with that response."

harry stopped his packing, letting his rolled shirt sit on top of his bag, looking at niall's boots with him, "but i have and i am."

"how?"

"i have to be. that's all i know."

and he pulled out his journal to use his first paper home, to his mother, telling her he was moving and he loved her, missed her, and attached a very blurred picture of him and gemma in a newspaper clipping only months ago, when they had accidentally walked in front of the first photography shop of county cheshire during the shoot, making them strangely positioned in the right corner.

niall paced for a while, then returned to his tent, and packed his own things, thankfully, because after he put the final word on his paper, he got into his bed roll, and cried himself to sleep.

"mother, i love you, and i miss you like mad, along with gemma and robin. i'm scared, mother. i might die tomorrow.

i haven't even found louis."