Breathe Again

Chapter 26

The following two weeks passed by in a relative blur. Every morning Dottie awoke at the early hour of five o'clock to tend to her son, and from there on life progressed in a chaotic whirl until eight o'clock at night when Elliot deemed it an acceptable time for sleep.

Sterling and Dottie shared longing glances, often noticed by Louisa no matter how they tried to hide them. And when they were able to find a moment free of Louisa's ever-watchful and encouraging gaze, they exchanged heated kisses.

On Friday morning when Sterling awoke, he knew with absolute certainty he had to return home. He was strong enough to make the journey without fear of falling off his mount and could easily see to his own needs. But most of all, leaving would be better and safer for Dottie.

It was a weak rationalization. The truth of the matter was, he didn't know how much longer he could keep from proclaiming his love and asking for her hand in marriage. And that only led to a bigger problem. He was afraid; the best defense he had was to put distance between them until he knew how to handle the situation better.

Guilt plagued him for the past week, and he knew it stemmed from not talking with her about the grievances staining their past. It was so easy to allow himself to enjoy her, to pretend all was as it should be between them, and they were simply waiting for the appropriate amount of time to pass before he could officially court her and ask her to marry him.

What if by bringing it up, he lost her? His mind balked, and his stomach heaved in revolt at the thought.

He tried instead to keep himself distracted throughout the days by helping where he could with the building of the new home and found the days passed relatively quickly once the construction started to move forward at a steady pace.

There were still many months before the family would be able to move in, but if everything continued at its current rate, they'd be in before the holidays.

Making up his mind, he was doing the right thing, he washed and dressed for the day, then tidied up his area of the loft. After removing the linens from his makeshift bed, he decided against moving the bales of hay.

Ashfield removed the remaining stitches last week, despite the altercation with the stairs, and he was healing quite well; but he remained under strict orders not to do any heavy lifting for another week.

Sterling glanced around the room and made sure he had all of his belongings, scarce though they were, stuffed into the leather satchel slung over his shoulder. Dottie was moving about on her side of the loft moments ago and he wanted to have Fancy saddled and ready to leave before she saw what he was up to.

Glancing over his shoulder at the quilt door, Sterling descended the stairs as quickly as he dared. He soon found his gear and began preparing Fancy for his departure. Today would be his first full day at the lumber mill, the first in almost a month, and he looked forward to the distraction and physical exertion it would bring.

All the time off, recuperating had given him too many opportunities to think and worry. Action and structure, a vital part of his routine, were what he needed.

Leading Fancy out of the barn, he looped her reins over the fence rail and lashed his satchel to the back of the saddle before heading back in to say his goodbyes.

Dottie rushed down the stairs with a look of panic on her face until her gaze found him standing a few yards away when she came to a stop on the last step. "You're leaving." She grimaced, hating that it sounded like an accusation.

Only moments ago, she'd seen the change to his side of the loft; the missing bedding, and the absence of his personal belongings he kept carefully placed in one corner near the bed. Fear that he'd left without saying goodbye propelled her down to search him out.

Now that he stood in front of her, she didn't know what else to say. He was healing extremely well; therefore, it was completely normal he would leave and return home—return to his life, as it had been before.

But, where did that leave her? Was the budding romance between them nothing more than a diversion? He may be able to leave them and pick up where he'd left off before the accident, but he'd become an integral part of her life over the past few weeks. What was she going to do without him near?

Sterling slowly walked up to her and stopped at the foot of the stairs. His heart hammered within his chest. His hands shook when he settled them at her waist and drew her against his chest. "You and I need to have a long-overdue conversation."

Dottie rested her hands on his shoulders and met his eyes that were level with hers, "When?"

"Soon," He whispered, pulling her close.

Her eyes roamed over his face, "Is there anything specific you want to talk about?"

"You'll just have to wait and see...won't you?" Sterling grinned and placed a lingering kiss to her lips.

"Will we see you for dinner?" Dottie breathlessly asked when they broke apart.

"I'd like that."

"Good," she smiled and stepped out of his embrace, "I'll see you tonight then."

Grinning from ear to ear, Sterling watched her make her way back up the stairs and disappear from view. But then the smile slipped from his face. He had to be careful over the next few months. If they were caught being too friendly in front of anyone other than her mother, it could create problems he'd prefer she not have to deal with.

He settled his hat upon his head and whistled a jaunty tune as he mounted Fancy and set a brisk pace toward the mill. Today was bound to be a good day, full of wonderful possibilities.