Breathe Again

Chapter 28

Thick, rolling clouds blotted the moonlight trying to illuminate the night. Cricket chirps filled the air while Sterling rode Fancy toward home later that evening. Weary shoulders drooped as he rubbed his tired eyes and scanned the surrounding area for any sign of danger. It was extremely late, and he didn't want a roaming animal to take him by surprise.

After visiting the widows and delivering the bodies of Finn and Dougal, Sterling didn't feel up to doing anything except trying to blot out the terrible scene by working his body until his mind was numb.

He'd even thought about spending the night in his office, but knowing his body was in no shape after his physical exertion today, he made his farewells to the men finishing up in the warehouse and left. That had been over four hours ago.

Since leaving the mill, he wandered aimlessly around town, allowing his thoughts to drift where they would. In some surprise, he found himself at the cemetery. Upon dismounting, he led Fancy to his parent's graves—what he wouldn't give to be able to see them again. He needed the calm advice his father would have offered after the day he'd had.

He still had the letters William Griggs had sent, notifying him of his their deaths, as well as the letter Louisa sent several months later informing him of William's unexpected death. Sterling kept them safely tucked away in an old box holding a few other treasured mementos from his youth, and a few precious items that had once belonged to his mother.

After spending almost two hours at his parent's graves and conversing with them as easily as if they were sitting across from him, he stood and dusted bits of grass from his trousers. It was strange, but his heart and mind were much clearer than when he arrived, and he couldn't help but feel he ought to visit more often.

Once mounted, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, tilting his face to the sky. Exhaling, he basked in the soft caress of the breeze against his skin. A sense of calm stole over him.

Glancing back at his parent's headstones, he clicked his tongue and directed Fancy toward the cemetery's exit. The sun was sinking behind the mountains, as though leaving Sterling to his private moment. He took a fleeting look to his left and decided to make one more stop.

Three tombstones lay in a neat row toward the far edge of the property fence-line, all with the name of HUMPHREYS etched clearly into the individual stones. Martin's was the middle one and noticeably newer than the other two. A wilted bouquet of wildflowers adorned the grave, indicating a recent visit from someone. He wondered if perhaps it might have been Dottie.

Sterling stared at the dead flowers and dismounted, then slowly walked closer and knelt at the grave. "You were a real horse's ass, Martin." He stared at the stone and saw instead Martin's belligerent face staring back at him.

Memories, both good and bad, flooded his mind. "Do you remember when I saved your life down in Virginia? You hated that it was me—that you weren't able to do it yourself. You were two-seconds away from having that saber shoved in your gut when I shot that Johnny Reb in the head. I can still see the thick spray of his blood, covering you as he fell at your side."

Sterling pulled at a weed growing by the headstone, and murmured, "Do you remember what you said when you saw it me running toward you, afterward?" He stood and gazed down at the dirt, starting to show signs of growing grass. "You asked why I didn't just let you die when it would have meant I'd be free to have Dottie...and that's when I realized something about you I never allowed myself to think before."

He dusted off the top of the headstone and said, "You never really knew me." Sterling removed his hat and scratched his head, letting his thoughts pour from him in a cleansing wave. "I was willing to lay down my life for you because you were my friend. We used to be as close as brothers, you and I. I would have done anything to keep you safe—regardless of the hurt you caused when you married Dottie; knowing all along, I was in love with her. I was willing to die in your place, so you'd be able to go home to her. I loved you, despite your faults and the hatred you showed toward me...but for some reason, you thought we competed against each other. You didn't care when I told you I loved her and you knew she loved me. The only thing that mattered was making sure you won her like she was some damn prize."