The Aurelia⎪✓

{34}

Murmurmation

(n.) a flock of starlings

♡

Sitting here with Lilly and watching a movie was just what I needed right now, she was completely back to her usual self and I couldn't be happier. It was an intense experience for both her and I, but we managed to pull through and now we're so much smarter than we were before this incident. She at least says we have to be positive about it, so I'm trying this new thing which includes me not being self destructive at all times possible. So far so good. 

"I don't even know how I can look anyone in the eyes again, my parents stopped by the cells to test me, but they didn't say anything to me and I didn't to them either. It feels weird being so cold towards them, especially because of how much I truly do love them." She explained, looking down at her bruised hands. It made sense that she was having such a hard time just accepting them lying to her, but then again, they were all she had in regards to family.

"You don't have to forgive them immediately, Lilly. Literally no one is expecting you to, just accept these new adjustments to your life, but once you find the peace for them in your heart, then you do need to let them know." Trying to support her in this was difficult, because if I had the chance to see my parents I would forgive them on the spot. This was different though, they lied to her for her entire life and that must hurt like an absolute bitch. 

"I feel like I'm losing the one man I've ever loved, calling him dad now seems like a scam and that's probably what scares me the most. It's not easy to change the way I was made to think, but this is betrayal on a whole other scale. They don't even deserve my forgiveness." She said, the thought of them clearly riling her up.

Tucking my legs up on the couch as well, I pondered for a while before answering her, "I have a hard time believing that they hurt you on purpose, Lilly. It was easier for them to lie and tell you he was your father, it made your mother's shame invisible, they hid her sleeping with a human through their love. Some would say it's disgusting, others would see where they're coming from. But none of that matters, when all they want is your forgiveness." I explained, "It's not to pressure you, I promise, they deserve to sweat for a while, but not all of us are lucky enough to have caring parents anymore. Whether that's by blood or by choice, just reconsider it before you cut them out of your life completely."

Her eyes met mine and they seemed certain, "You're good at this, you know." She laughed, "I could never cut them out of my life, they love me and I love them too much to let it go, but still, betrayal hurts and that's without exaggeration. No matter what, they hid something from me and it ended up hurting me, that's never okay." 

As those words fell from her lips, the pain in my heart stabbed me, letting me know that I was doing the exact same thing to my own mate. Withholding information that I knew would hurt him, but I just couldn't do anything about it. That's probably how her parents felt too, the lie was very innocent in the beginning, but as she grew up the lies worsened and they found themselves caged in the reality they'd forced upon their daughter. It sucks, it absolutely sucks, feeling like this. 

I was betraying my mate, while he'd done nothing but be good to me, especially during the past few weeks. He comforted me, he kissed me when I needed it, he snuggled me at random times, always making me laugh. He was such a positive factor in my life and in his I was a complete fraud. I was being disgusting by hurting him intentionally like this.

"I know what you're thinking, Aspen, and don't." Lilly broke my train of thoughts with her determined voice. "Those things can't be compared, this is a matter of life and death, okay?"

What she said made sense, but then again, it still didn't change the fact that I was lying to the one destined for me. "I'm betraying him." I whispered as that exact thing occurred to me. 

She shook her head, "No, you're not. You're protecting yourself and that's not a bad thing, it could never be a bad thing to have your own interests and needs first. It's important for you to keep this secret, Asp, remember that." 

"But is it worth every sacrifice in the end, Lilly? I'm starting to think that it might not be worth it, I'm saving myself but for what and at what cost?" I voiced my concerns for the first time since arriving here, usually I would've kept this to myself, but I felt like I could trust Lilly with my life. 

"Yes! Yes, of course it is. You're protecting your own life, that is worth absolutely everything. Don't worry about at what cost, this is bigger than that and you know it." Her convincing words dampened my worry a bit and I tried to turn my thoughts positive again. It was difficult being positive all the time, but I would give it a shot.

I didn't get to answer her before Grant came barging into the pack house, his fleeting and panicked eyes met mine and his posture relaxed slightly, "You need to come with me to Alpha's office, now!" He demanded, ushering me to come with him. 

"What? Is everything okay?" I asked as I walked with him, sending a confused glance over my shoulder at Lilly who just shrugged in response. 

"No, everything's fucked actually."