The Goodbye Note

Chapter 14

For this chapter I recommend the song You Say by Lauren Daigle.

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"What do you mean it's Dan?" I ask in shock.

"He tried to commit suicide but his mom saved him before he could kill himself. He's in the hospital getting stitches, he has deep cuts. Are you going to stay mad at him or are you going to be his friend and be there for him. I mean it's literally your fault this happened." Mackenzie says with her arms crossed. My fault? How can this be my fault? "He tried to commit suicide because ever since you left his life he's been super depressed and mad at the world, and his father. You technically almost killed him, all because you can't just grow up and admit that Emma's death isn't his fault, it's his father's fault. Now suck it up and let's go to see him." I nod. I don't like the way she just talked to me, but Dan needs me so I'll be there, because that's what best friends do.

The drive is awkward. We don't say a single word to each other. Once we arrive at the hospital I run out of her car and to the front desk. The young man at the desk asks for my name and who the patient is, then he ask if I was family, I say yes, we are cousins. He believes me and tells me the room number. I run to the room so fast, I enter and see a sleeping Dan. I sit on a chair near the bed and grab his hand. He does not look good. He has cuts all over his body and I can tell which ones are stitched and which ones are not. His eyes flutter for a second then he opens them, his big brown eyes stare at me.

"So this is how I get you to look at me like you used to," he says with a laugh. I punched him in the arm, careful not to touch any wounds, "Ow! What was the for?"

"Trying to kill yourself, you're lucky that that's all I'm going to do to you. Why Dan? Why did you do that?" I say, as I stand up.

He just stares at me, "Please don't leave, I really need to talk to you." I just stand there this is his opportunity to say what he needs to say, "I'm sorry, I should've told you about him the second that I found out, but I thought the police would send you a letter so I thought you would look at it when you were ready, I wasn't going to tell you, but I just felt so guilty that I told you."

I look down at my shoes, "They did send a letter, I just didn't want to know who did it because I knew I would hate them for it. I would want them dead, I wanted their family dead because he stole my family, but now I realize that I almost lost a brother. I wasn't there for you when you needed me and now I need to live with that guilt. I don't know what I would've done if you were able to finish the job, then I would blame myself for two deaths. I almost lost you Dan, and I was mad at you. My mom always says to never go to bed mad at someone because anything can happen, if they die in the middle of the night, you have to live with that, I never understood what she meant until now. I'm sorry that I was a horrible friend when you told me about your dad." I sit back down and grab his hand, "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed me, but I'm here now."

He pulls my hand to his mouth and kisses it, "Thank you, Em. But I'm not the only person that you need to talk to." He said gesturing to the door where Mackenzie and Xander are, they didn't tell the front desk that they were family, ha losers.

"You're right, I don't know what I would do if any of you died," I say as I stand up and walk to the door. Once I am in the hall I walk to the both of them, they are holding hands, "Um, I think we should talk, and this time I promise I'll listen."

"It's about time," Mackenzie says and Xander tries to hit her without me noticing, it didn't work. "I mean," she says as she rolls her eyes, "yes, we should talk. But if you have a problem with us dating then we shouldn't talk."

"Mackenzie! She's trying to apologize. Can you be nice? Geez, you are ridiculous sometimes." Xander says as he lets her hand go.

"You're right, I'm sorry Emily." She pauses, "Speak."

I look at her and take the seat across from them, "Yeah sorry. Um, okay, where do I start, I'm sorry that I blew up about you two dating, I just thought that maybe Xander didn't only have his eyes on her when they were dating, which made me mad and sad. But it did take you guys like four and a half months to get together, which probably means that you did only have your eyes on Emma," I pause, "I want you to now that I'm okay with you guys dating. It doesn't make me mad anymore, I just have to get used to it."

"You're forgiven," Mackenzie says, that's all she says. I give her a crazy look, "What? I didn't do anything wrong." She's wrong. She didn't tell me about Xander or Dan's dad.

Xander also gives her a crazy look, "Well Em, I know what I did wrong so I'm going to say, sorry. I should've told you about Dan's dad, and Mack and I."

"Well done, see he apologized for both of us," she says as she stands up and walks away.

"God, what's her problem?"

"Good question. She's acting really rude right now, I don't know why she's acting like that." Xander explains to me. I look at the hallway that she just walked through to get to wherever she was going. "Maybe after she cools down she'll apologize. But for now just know that I truly am sorry, about both things."

I nod, "It's fine." I walk away after that. I don't want to sit in the same hallway with her until she has the guts to apologize, maybe that's childish. I turn around and go back to Dan's hospital room. This was the first time that I truly looked at it. It was all white, boring, and smelled like the dentist, just like Emma's hospital room. I sit on the chair and just stare at the walls. This place reminds me of her and her last breath. The way her eyes rolled up when she started seizing. Nothing in the world hurts more than losing someone. Not a broken arm, not stitches, not dying. But a broken heart is the worst. Knowing you'll never say another word to that person. Knowing it's over. Knowing that they're gone.

Once they got me to Emma she had just woken up from her surgery. "Hey," she said with a small smile. "So apparently I have one more surgery," she paused, "and maybe I should wear my seat belt more often."

That was Emma, she was still able to joke, even in the worst conditions.

We both laughed, "Yeah maybe you should, and you'll be fine, the Hernandez's can get through anything," I told her with a smile.

"Hey Em," she said.

"Yeah?"

"In case anything happens look for my note. I wrote it joking around one day but now the possibilities seem more real. And I love you, and mom, and dad," She said to me with a tear slipping from her eye.

I already knew what happened next. I didn't want to relive it. I didn't want to have to watch her die all over again.

I tried to form a smile, "Nothing is going to-" her whole body started to shake and doctors started running in.

I didn't want to see anymore..

"She's having a seizure and heart failure," one of the doctors yelled. I grabbed her hand.

Come on Emma.

"Her heart stopped," another doctor said as he started CPR.

Come on Emma, you can't leave me. Not today, not ever. No, no, no.

After trying CPR for a while the doctor backed away from my twins stiff body. My mom comes running in and grabs Emma's other hand and cries in it. We both cry together. My twin is gone.

And I had to watch all over again.

I wake up to Dan hitting my leg. "Are you okay? You were screaming Emma's name."

"Sorry." I say and get up to go to the bathroom. I have this nightmare often, it isn't new, but it always feels so real that I feel horrible after. Everytime.

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Sooo, what did you think? Do you expect Dan to try to commit suicide? Well anyways that's all for today loves.

Lots of love, emma<3