Stumbling Steps

10| third time's a charm

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I was waiting for dad after coming from school today. I needed his advice for my career options. With the amount of time left for him to come back for lunch I cooked for both of us. 

I couldn't help but think about today's events. Kev had talked it out with Daris and the boy had asked for time. Kev had said that he was a little convinced. I was rooting for Daris and Maya. Maya hadn't been in love ever and she never talked about crushes. She said it was supposed to be a secret. I seemed like an idiot in front of her since she and Kev both knew whom I was crushing over. 

Maya was also curious whether we found her secret admirer or not. We lied. 

My mind drifted from my friends to my own family. My family, which is my father and me. Truth to be told, I was envious of everyone. Everyone gets that kind of feeling when you have lost the one person you had but now you don't and others still have. 

I lost my mom when I was seven. And now it has been 12 years. I had spent 12 years without her but it still felt like yesterday when I saw her for the last time. If I would have known that I was seeing her for the last time I would have seen her enough to survive for ages. I hated how earlier that was. I hated how I didn't know when she smiled at me in the morning that it would be the last smile of hers that I would see. Sometimes I hated myself because I didn't know how much pain my mother was in. 

When she died I had no idea what had happened to her, but I still remember the time I saw her face getting paler. I saw her eyes leaving their colour. Later I realized that if one's liver stop making blood it means that their life is soon going to be stopped as well. 

My dad was doing his best holding himself so that I wouldn't lose both of them. Life doesn't stop when someone extremely close to you dies but no one realizes that if it doesn't stop that doesn't mean we are fine without them. 

I, on the other hand, tried to stop my life. I remember my father's tear stricken face. I remember his cries. I was also slipping away from him. I hated how I was killing myself when my father did his best to not break in front of me and hold himself together. 

My father and I, now tried our best that we shouldn't cry in front of her but I as his daughter and he as my father knew how we cried when we were alone. There were times I had seen his red eyes in the morning. There were times I heard the quiet sniffles coming behind his room door. He would try to put on a smile if I ever caught him crying. We both were in pain but we wanted to keep it to ourselves. I knew he missed her every moment and he knew I missed her every moment. 

Though there were times I would just randomly go and hug him tight for minutes. Pain shared is pain lessened but the pain we both had was everlasting. Nothing would ever replace the position of his wife and my mom. 

“It smells so nice,” I heard my father's voice from the door. I was so into my thoughts that I didn't even realize that he had come. 

“Afterall your daughter made it. It has to be nice,” I blinked my eyes and smiled at him. 

“Absolutely. I would freshen up real quick,” He said and then walked towards his room. 

My food was cooked and I was plating it out when he sat down on the chair. I slightly pushed the plate towards him and he picked up the spoon to eat. 

“The fried rice is so good. And the curry is so flavourful. The spices are so well balanced,” Everytime my father complimented my food I would go on cloud nine. He knew how to compliment. Unlike someone.

I gave him the biggest of the smiles and he bumped my fist. “You know I put you over Gordon Ramsay,”

“What do you wanna talk about?” My father asked and I nodded.