Hatching

"It Goes Both Ways"

The boys didn't have that much time to look around the city as they had to prepare to give it there all on this concert. Taehyung was warming up his voice by singing some rock song and Jungkook was playing the air guitar. 

Dawa was half asleep due to his medication since he had to take he car to the venue. One of the make-up artist was lightly applying some blush on him, not that he needed any since his cheeks were natrually a dusty red. When Dawa first started to work for BigHit, some of the staff thought he was intentionally putting blush on. 

"Here's your iced tea." Do-Hwan pressed the ice cold drink against Dawa's cheek. The shock of the cold drink causing the hair on his skin to stand, had made him jump. 

The stylist jumped back not having expected the sudden motion from Dawa. "Gosh!" She screamed which sounded even louder when the make-up palate dropped. "Dawa, are you okay? I'm sorry, I'll clean this mess up-" 

"No, it's okay. You can get the other members ready."Dawa stated simply as he completely ignored his drink. Nevermind that his body felt sluggish, nevermind that his head still seemed foggy. He himself wasn't even ready. 

Yoongi and Hobi watched as the scene unfolded, Hobi's eye-brows knitted together as Yoongi chewed on hid bottom lips. They didn't bother to tell Dawa to worry about himself because Dawa had already made up his mind to clean the mess up. They knew better than anyone how stubborn Dawa was. 

Once he had finished cleaning which didn't take that long, Dawa just read over Namjoon's shoulder. His eyes were drooping and the words on the page seemed to be floating around. Namjoon looked over his shoulder feeling weight. 'He never learns.' 

"Drink it before it melts. You need it, and from now on, you're not allowed to do anything until you have gotten your drink at times like this. Okay?" Namjoon pretty much scolded. 

"That's not fair..." Dawa mumbled as he rubbed his eyes, yawning. Then he took a sip of his drink. Jimin took a picture of Dawa in the pose, giggling as he did. 

"Aww, so cute! Jin Hyung look!"

Namjoon just shook his head, sighing as he turned the page of his book. "Yes it is. You forgot about it and I had to remind you, and we need you to be fully awake when we perform so that you don't get hurt." Dawa just stared at Namjoon trying to process the words. It wasn't because of his sleep, it was because of his lack of self-care. He'd never thought about scenerios that involved taking care of himself, Dawa's brain had been trained since a young age to think about anything but himself. Namjoon could see the gears turning in Dawa's head. What Namjoon saw was an incomplete person, like everything was there on the outside. Everything seemed to match up. He could have blended well, but it is natural for even the best of people to be a little narcissist or self-fish. It's human nature, and yet that part of humanity in Dawa seemed to be missing. "What I mean is, if you get hurt, we get hurt too." Namjoon tried again to explain in a way that Dawa would understand better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Army! Make some noise!" Jimin screamed, smiling as he did. Everyone started cheering. The stadium felt like the horizon. The love and energy was like the horizon, neverending. Dawa enjoyed these moments on stage when he felt like a little speck in the universe. Whenever he was surrounded by crowds, or whenever their were many fans gathered he felt like a small thing in the universe which comforted him. He liked the idea of not being so alone in the world, he found comfort in awknowleging the many different lives and stories people have lived through. And looking at all of the Army, he truly felt happy. 

The boys have been taking turns giving short speeches of love and appreciation between songs. Everyone else went and now it was Dawa's turn. He wasn't a big fan of the speeches but he would do it for army and BTS.

"Everyone...I-I really am happy. I have the best family." He looked at the rest of Bangton. "And we have the best fans and everyone of you are the suns of your own universe, you give light to the people around you, warmth and life. I hope that we give you the same love, light and warmth as you do us." 

There was cheering, and supportive responses but anyone could hear the lack of support towards Dawa vurses the other members. And the more noticable responses were shouts coming from the back. 

"Get out! You a**!"

Namjoon scowled at the comment. There was no point in checking in with Dawa as he already had his poker face on. And Namjoon would know even with the poker face if Dawa was upset if he made a blank face only when he faced these things but the truth was, Dawa's poker face is present when he's not acting for MVs or when he's not on stage, so Namjoon couldn't know. 

Dawa on the other hand was closing off. He was now just going through the motions, he zoned out, not wanting to think about the words that they threw at him. He did not want to think about the words that were tucked away neatly written with care which expressed anything buy care for him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 He heard about the video of him at the super market in London. He ignored it and he knew about the comments online and again he ignored them. What else was there to do? They would not love him if their heart is aflame with hatred towards him. He had read the comments about him being a cold to the other members, he read the article about him sexually harassing a women, he knew how armies felt when he defended his family at that interview, but no matter how much he tried, he couldn't bring himself to hate army. It was very much a one sided love. Some days, Dawa felt that he had the hanahaki disease. His lungs seemed to malfunction due to the roots that tangled itself around the lungs, heart and rib cage. And some days he feared talking because of the flower petals he could possibly sputter out instead of words. Indeed it was one-sided love because he would do anything for Army without a second thought but most armies wouldn't hesitate to make him miserable. 

By the time they were all ready to leave for the hotel, it was almost midnight. By the time they got to the hotel is was 15 minutes past midnight. Dawa face was drained of color by the time Yoongi, Namjoon and him got to their room. 

He headed straight for the bathroom not even bothering to close it. Yoongi and Namjoon watched, confused until they saw him bend over the toilet and gag. They looked away, giving him privacy, Yoongi getting a water bottle and Namjoon walking into the bathroom to give Dawa emotional support. 

As soon as he was done Dawa sighed, eyes like glass, soft, hurt. "I wish there was a way to make it better or you." Namjoon sat next to him. Dawa shrugged, not trusting his voice. 

Yoongi stayed silent. 'He must have been holding it in on the car ride, pain and carsickness. How did we not see it?' 

"Hyung pass me my bag?" Dawa whispered. Yoongi did, his bag was not far as Dawa dropped it on the way to the bathroom. Dawa opened the bag, and dug his hand in, searching and searching for the letters the were placed in there. 

He looked at the others. "They're gone. I put the letters in there-"

"We threw them out." Namjoon spoke not looking Dawa in the eye. "Why did you even keep the those letters and "gifts" in the first place?"

Dawa looked at them, his eyes still soft, hurt. "Because Armies gave them to me and I didn't want to throw it out since they spent money and time on the gifts and letters." 

"What?" Yoongi asked. "Did I hear wrong?" Namjoon shook his head. He himself wanted to cry.

"Listen, if they don't respect you, you don't have to care about them. Respect is a two way street. It goes both ways. And they're not armies if they don't support all 8 of us. 8. Not. 7. Not 6. 8. Do you. understand." Yoongi's words dripped with anger. Frustration between each pause. Yoongi wanted to cry but then he needed to be strong for Dawa so the alternative was fury.  

Namjoon didn't want there to be a fight, so he pulled Yoongi out of the bathroom. "Just remember, if you're hurt, we're hurt too. It goes both ways." 

And then Dawa was alone.