Someday Soon (wlw)

s1 e12

morning came quick and i practically dragged myself out of bed and into my bathroom. i quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face, because uh why tf not ?

Ava was still sound asleep which was hell because i was about to wake this girl up. i went over to the side of the bed she was laying on and pushed her softly.

"fuck off, Alex," she groaned before turning over.

"get up," i pushed her again but a bit harder. "it's 1 in the afternoon, we slept half the day away."

she groaned loudly as she sat up, "well the least you can do is make me breakfast."

"bitch please," i let out a laugh. "what you can do is get dressed so we can go out for breakfast."

i shook my head and laughed as i made my way into the bathroom, taking a quick shower before getting dressed.

i don't know who Ava thought i was but breakfast in bed my ass, get your ass up.

"Ava !" i shouted loudly. "get up."

"ughh ! you know i have a headache right now," she rubbed her temple as she sat up completely. "ihop?"

"pancake house," i shook my head. "take a shower, ill be downstairs."

•••

"don't sit here and hate on my wheat bread," i eyed her coldly as i continued eating. "just because you don't eat wheat bread doesn't mean half of the population doesn't."

"because it's nasty," she says while gagging.

"dramatic, i swear."

"im that dramatic bitch named Ava," she says with a smile. "anyways, what do you have planned for the holidays? didn't i ask already?"

"you did," i nod. "but again, nothing. my dad haven't said anything about it. if anything, since mom died, the holidays hadn't been the same," i shrug.

"have you went and talked to her ? you know, went by her grave ?"

"i haven't had the strength to, im not pushing it off or anything, i just haven't," i explain. "the scars are just reminders of the incident and honestly i hate it."

"if you ever need me to go with you, you know i will in a heartbeat," she rested her hand on my shoulder as her thumb slid smoothly over my skin. "i know it sucks but you got this, i promise." she planted a kiss on my cheek which caused me to smile.

"thank you, Ava," i shot her a look. "we can go see her today."

"are you sure ? i don't want you to be pressured into going, you can go anytime, Alex."

"no no, i haven't went in a while," i took a breath as i sat the bill down on the table and stood up. "its about time i went and talked to her."

"okay, im always by your side, Alex."

i gave her a nod as we walked out to the car. i was doing it, i was going to see my mom after what, 3 months ? its been so long, sighs, i had so many emotions running through me right now.

i had to get her new flowers for a fact, i had to clean her area. oh mom how i miss you.. you made everything so calm.

i hope you're doing well. you're all i ever think about, even if my mind is settled on school, i always found myself thinking about you.

i took a deep breath as i pulled up to the graveyard, i was really doing this. i clenched the flowers inside of my hands as i took another breath. we got this, we got this.

"im right here Alex, you got this," Ava assured me as she gave my arm a squeeze. "i can stand by you out here or sit in the car until you're done, whichever is fine by you."

"no come on, you can even speak to her."

i made my way over to her headstone and smiled to myself as i bagan brushing off the dirt that was on it. i swiftly changed her flowers as my hand slide over her name.

"Josie Eve Lance," i spoke quietly to myself as my hand still stayed rested on her name. "1978-2000."

gosh, i miss you mom. i wish things had been different.

"i know i hasn't been here in a long period of time," i slid my thumb over her name. "but its not a day that goes by that i don't sit and think of you."

"dad misses you .." i sniffed as i rubbed my nose quickly. "im gonna try not to cry, i know you wouldn't want that."

"dads been trying to take it one day at a time, i know deep down he's still hurting and im trying to be there for him mom, i am," i chuckled. "i promise, ill continue holding on."

"im almost done mom..im almost done with college," i smiled widely as i felt a knot grow inside of my throat. "gosh, its been so hard."

"i wish things were different," i spoke more softly. "i know wishing won't do anything but i miss you ever second. if i could get one more hug, one more kiss, one more tuck in, one last goodbye," i spoke now quietly as a faint tear rolled down my cheek. "it would make me the happiest person in the world. just one more time, just to feel your arms around me, your embrace," i sniffed.

"i know you won't get to see your grandchildren but man, im gonna speak so highly of you," i smiled. "i will tell them all the embarrassments we've made. all the times you made me mad, sad, and ridiculously happy."

"you were an amazing parent and i hope you knew that," i ran my fingers over her name once more as i smiled. "i know it was things you and dad never spoke to me about but i want you to know that i know you tried. i know you tried with your last dying breaths, i know it was hard but you tried and that? that's enough."

"im doing everything for you and dad, you two are my biggest hero's, i couldn't ask for a better set."

i rearranged the flowers in the vase as i kept my eyes fixated on her stone, "i love you, beautiful."

i took a breath as i stood up while wiping my face. i did it, i finally did it. it felt amazing.

"that was beautiful," Ava says with the biggest smile on her face. "you even made me cry."

"don't cry, please, no more crying," i embraced her firmly. "promise ?"

"i promise."