The lonely wolf [bxb]

A different side of me

(Ryker)

I didn't think about the consequences, nor did I care that much. It was irrelevant, to waste my time thinking about someone that I hated. Someone, I should be spending time searching for instead of Fucking Sheila.

It has always been something that I have done before, and I wasn't going to stop because of a mutt. I know that he would feel the pain, that he would be suffering, all because he didn't accept my rejection. It's his fault, though, not mine.

“Harder Ryker, don't stop.” Sheila said, as she screams out loud, which told me I was hitting the right spot.

“That's it, right there! Ahhh!” Bitch, can you shut the fuck up? Her constant talking and screaming were turning me off, but it was cheap pussy, so I continued plowing my way through it. I had been thinking before, making her my chosen mate, but I decided against it. I don't know why, but something was telling me not to.

After we were done, I got rid of her. No use keeping her around when I got what I was looking for, right? When I was done taking a shower, washing her scum off me, I got dressed and made my way downstairs to see if I was needed for anything. After all, an alpha's job was never done.

Walking around the pack land, listening to complaints from my people, was stressful. It left me in a sour mood and when I get this way it was hard for me to calm down.

“Still not talking to me?” I rolled my eyes and kept on walking as if I were alone.

“Come on, Ryker, don't be like this.” I growled out of annoyance, getting rid of this leech was going to be more work than I predicted.

“Fuck off, Ryland.” My brother only laughed as he kept on chasing me.

“Look I apologize for telling mom and dad about your, well, your predicament. But I couldn't sit by and watch you idly throw your life away. You are twenty-four years old, Ryker, not a pup. When will you stop acting like one?” I turned to him with narrowed eyes, him copying me as well didn't sit well with me.

“You're the one who's acting like a damn pup, copying what I'm doing. Now tell me the truth, what do you want?” He only shrugged his shoulders with a smirk on his face, a face that looked exactly like mine.

I had once cursed the day my parents allowed this to happen. I know it wasn't their fault, but something deep down inside me hated the fact that I had a carbon copy of myself in the form of a clone.

“Am I not allowed to spend some time with my brother? When was the last time we hung out? You and your little power game can pause for now, so we can catch up.” I sighed, irritated with him, which seems to be a constant occurrence.

“If I wanted your company, I would have asked for it. I would rather not be around you right now.” He only laughed, as if he had heard a joke I had somehow managed to miss. If I could, I would have gladly ended his life, since it seems as if he had no use for it. He narrowed his eyes at me as if hearing my thoughts while making a tsking sound.

Good, now he knows exactly how I feel about him. I didn't miss the hurt that appeared in his eyes, it disappeared instantly like it wasn't there before, but I saw it. Did I feel bad about the way I was acting towards him? No. He and my parents had a way of getting under my skin, crawling through it like an unwanted parasite.

“Um, I just thought that…. you know what, never mind. I'll talk to you later.” I watched as he walked away from me, feeling a pull on my heart as I saw how his steps were hurried, as if trying to get away from me.

That made Max hate me even more, ruining the relationship I had with my twin wasn't sitting well with him. He's just soft, he doesn't know how to be any different, and I somehow blame myself for it. If I let my family have any influence over me, in my life, I would only end up being dependent on them and that's something I don't ever want.

That's another reason why I don't want a mate, I don't want to have someone to depend on. It made me feel…vulnerable, useless, but most of all, it made me feel soft.

I ruined any and every relationship I have including my family, all because I hated feeling soft. I wasn't one for that type of feeling, it was not something I enjoyed. I like feeling powerful, I enjoyed it tremendously.

I like being controlling others, fear is and will always be what I thrive on the most. If I had somehow gotten over this I don't want a mate, and I'm not gay attitude, if I had given my mate a chance, then I wouldn't be in control anymore. That's why I will never allow anyone to walk all over me or call me a pushover.

Not even my parents or brother can get me to change. Not even the Elders who threatened me or my dad who said he would strip me of my title if I didn't find my mate, even though he had changed his mind like the coward he is.

I will never change for anyone and if no one can accept this side of me then to hell with them. But even after all of that, why did I feel guilty… why did I feel my heartbreaking at the look of hurt in my brother's eyes before he left? I have no idea.

I shouldn't care, but it seems as if I did. I guess after all I said, after the way I acted, there was a softer side to me and I hated that side with a passion.