The Discreet Charm of Lady Mary (A Howertys Novella)

Chapter 14: For Now

The rest of the evening passed fairly uneventfully. On Dash's insistence that they continue taking part, they joined a game of hide and seek, and Mary found such a good hiding spot she could avoid detection for the entire duration. Unfortunately, it also afforded her a lot of time to sit and fret about what would happen next. Would they find Jane? Would John remember his feelings for Olivia once they returned to London? Could her heart handle the heartbreak?

Questions that still plagued her mind as they reached their bedchamber in the early hours of the morning. Once they had seen other couples disappear back into the manor house, they had quickly followed suit. Dash, Hayes, and several guests had gone inside some time ago, supposedly to their private party in Hayes's chambers.

Closing the door behind them, she remained by it while John walked into the room and lit a few candles. He was so handsome in the flickering light, with his brown hair ruffled from the evening's games and his shirt's top button unbuttoned. Mary rather thought Olivia didn't know what she was missing. Too blinded by the brilliance of Dash's roguish smile. But the rake's charm was nothing to John's subtle humour. The way the corners of his mouth twitched when he tried not to smile when she said something amusing. Or the appreciative glimmer in his eyes when he looked at her.

Like now.

Excitement bubbled as their eyes met.

She loved this man.

It was a terrifying admission. She'd suspected it for a while, but to actually allow the thought to form was petrifying. Because she didn't know if he was truly hers. The risk of him going back to London only to be reminded of how much he loved Olivia seemed too great. Too real.

And so she remained by the door. Frozen in place. Fear locking her limbs. How could she survive seeing him with another woman? One of her best friends.

John stood between the bed and the fireplace, watching her. Did he see the torment on her face? Her doubts? Her cowardice.

"Mary?" Her name was soft on his lips. A question. One she wasn't sure she could answer.

She shook her head. The jerking movement made a few curls come loose from her hair. She wanted to go to him. She wanted to run.

When John walked over to her to take her hand in his, she lifted her head to meet his grey eyes. The heat in them made her swallow as warmth unfurled in her abdomen. Lifting her hand to his mouth, he placed a soft kiss on her palm, his stubble scratching against the sensitive skin. She sucked in a breath of air as her entire being hummed in response to his nearness, to his touch.

"Are you going to stay here all night?" he asked quietly. "Or will you come into the room?"

She almost said she'd stay where she was, thank you very much, but she nodded jerkily again and allowed him to lead her further into the room. They stopped by the bottom of the bed and the prospect of sharing it with him tonight felt so very different from the other nights. Something had shifted between them and she didn't think they could change it back. Wasn't sure if she wanted to.

"What now?" She brushed her free hand over the skirt of her dress, needing to busy herself.

John smoothed a loose lock of hair behind her ear as he looked down at her. "What would you like?"

Meeting his eyes, she worried her lower lip with her teeth as she tried to untangle her jumbled emotions. She wanted him. He said he wanted her. At least for now. She should allow herself this time with him and continue what they started in the garden.

"I will sleep on the floor or in a chair tonight if you prefer," he said when she didn't speak. A wry smile touched his lips. "If I am honest, I'm not sure I could lie in that bed with you again and not touch you. Not after... Not after today. Not when I know you are the one I want."