Ikeu (EN- JakeHoon)

VIII

Jake

I am in my room when my mom knocked on my door making me gaze towards it. I let her in as she gave me a soft smile.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine mom . . I'm trying to rely on myself tho. .  I know not every time I have someone beside me. . ."

"Honey, you can always call home and we'll help you for sure . . . if you feel lost"

"I know mom . . there are just times that I want to be alone . . . despite knowing how I cannot handle it on my own, I just feel like wanting to be alone . . . there are times that I'm just .  .I'm just wanting to be with someone .  ."

*Sunghoon is that important to you? I can see how he affects you . . even in the survival show. . how is he?"

"He's been too busy lately so I try to be there for him as well. . . I want to be strong for me to be able to be his shoulder as well.  ."

"You're gonna do well . . I know that I raised you to be the best person you can be but I also raised you to be strong in all ways. . . I know you have the strength in you to do that and you just need to unleash it. Believe that you will achieve it and don't ever doubt yourself. . . if you feel trapped because of the people around you, just remember that before you became the Jake of Enhypen, you were first the Sim Jaeyun, the son that I raised and nurtured . . I want you to go back to that and do what you would do as Sim Jaeyun. . "

"Thanks mom . . I will definitely do that . . . I just hope that I will be courageous enough to do so . . but I know I can"

"Of course you can . .  don't forget that courage and bravery you had in you when you got selected over 500 who auditioned. . that's strength Jake"

I smiled when I recalled that day, that day I stepped into the auditions with trembling knees as I saw how many hopeful artists are also there. It is very nerve wracking but I did it and I passed and I trained, I competed and I got selected as a member of Enhypen.

"I'm so scared when I sent you to Korea for the training but when I see you strive in the show, I can't help but feel proud of how much you grew within yourself. You even made a best friend in the person of Park Sunghoon"

I may be friendly but I find it hard for me to connect to other people so deep but I did with Sunghoon and I couldn't be happier.

"Soulmate? . . "

I feel my face get hot when she said that making her chuckle.

"Mom, please stop . .  if you kept it that way, it might really be serious and I will get hurt"

"Wait, really serious? You mean. . ."

"I don't know and I'm not sure but I think I . . . I have a crush on him?"

My mom's smile widens and I didnt expect that because growing up, my family is religious and being gay or bi is not actually welcome in that community.

"Mom? I won't be cursed right?"

She smiled before hugging me.

"You're not doing anything wrong . . you're just like us, you have feelings and we can't help it. I'm sure if the people really understood the scriptures they're reading, they will understand that everything works in accordance to His plans. His ways are higher than ours. . . . don't worry, you can be free to figure out your feelings for him . . "

"I feel horrible mom. . .he might hate me . ."

"Why would he? He isn't homophobic right?"