Canvas of Love | TxS

37 - opened up

- Maddy -
-- A Few Months Later --

I shifted the bit of food on the plate, dragging it back where it was but nothing in me wanted to actually pick it up and eat it. I stabbed the fork into the chicken, soaking it in the sauce but at this point i just gave up and forced the plate aside.

"Okay! So how is my-" Lauren cut short her question and i looked up as she was stood by the stove. "How is it? It doesn't seem like you've even tried it."

"No! It's good. Like always." I plastered a grateful smile which made her look back on the pan, watching her fill her own plate with the food.

"How was work?"

"Fine." I didn't bother to keep up my positive attitude.

"Come on, Maddy. I wanna know. This isn't just to start some conversation." The woman explained, taking a seat just next to me.

"It was good," i looked at her with the same grateful, but deep down fake, smile. "I'm just a barista at a coffee shop. Not much to say about this thrilling job." I sarcastically finished off, deciding to loosen my rudeness and actually eat something by grabbing the plate back.

"Then why did you apply for it? So suddenly too. One day i hear you come back from the city and you've scored yourself a job that you or we definitely don't need."

"Lauren, i love where we are right now. But i can't rot inside four walls every single day. May i remind you that i'm 19 now but i lost any luck on a college anywhere so the best i can do is work."

"I guess you're right." She faintly replied and i broke the eye contact, at this point deciding to force the hunger on and finally taste the food.

"Maddy, what is going on with you?" The sudden grab around my wrist stopped the fork from being lifted up. "I can see you don't want to eat then please don't force yourself to. If you have eaten already then say it, i won't feel bad for making food that you don't want."

"I'm not forcing myself anything! I haven't had a single bite this whole day so stop assuming!" I yanked my hand away yet that only made her grab my stool, turning it to face her.

"You haven't been eating? How long has this been going on for? Why are you doing that to yourself?"

"You think i'm nothing else but a mess already so your caring side isn't gonna do anything! Call me a disappointment, like i do. Trash me as much as you want for how i treat myself because guess what, i feel more loved when you at least yell then not pay attention to me at all."

As those words left my mouth, Lauren went quiet. She let loose of the stool and rather grabbed my hands in her hold. "When have i yelled at you, sweetheart?"

"Never," i immediately replied, "but you doing that would be better than nothing at all." I confessed, feeling further pain about how she's been acting the past weeks.

"I'm sorry, Maddy," her arms wrapped around me, pulling me closer, "i'm so sorry." The words brushed against my lips, the woman truly holding in her all from feeling the guilt drift in. "I hadn't known you were doing this bad because of how busy i've been."

"Wouldn't have focused so much of living like your old life then would have noticed sooner." I kept going, fully dedicated to finally get this off my chest.

"I'll fix this. What do you want? Want us to go out somewhere? Road trip? Like you always love it?"

"So now you want to do something about it, huh?" My hand forced hers away, getting off the stool right after. "When i cried right after you walked out the door for your dumb new job, why didn't you try and fix something then?!" I spiked the clear anger right out, Lauren not waisting time to approach.

"Sweetheart, why had you been crying? Why didn't you tell me about it?!" Her body stopped in front of me, ready to pull me in for a hug that i didn't hesitate to deny.

"Lauren, would you open your eyes for once?! Just because we sleep in one bed and wake up together isn't enough for me to feel like you still love me! You leave for days from being a consultant for this travel business, i'm left here waiting until you come back but all i get in return is your occupied mind and zero attention!"

"Stop, Maddy." Lauren's body caressed on mine yet before i could back away again, she only forced me more against her. "Please don't say anything else." I felt her hand slip to the back of my head, pressing my forehead on hers.

"Afraid of the truth?" I whispered back, by now dying to give into her as that's the only thing i've wanted no matter what she has put me through. "If i have hurt you, i'm sorry. If i have made you cry, sad and feel lonely then i deeply apologize. I'm trying to do the same exact thing as you are. Not rotting in four walls and by the end of the day making money for the both of us."

"Mhm. As if you don't have enough of it for the rest of your life."

"Maddy! Not enough to make you happy every single day! I want you to feel like the luckiest girl possible. I want you to be surrounded with everything you love and want. In just a little while you'll get that. Now what do i have to do for you to trust me about this and never doubt me not loving you enough?"

I took a pause. Repeating her confession in my memory. Clearly acknowledging how badly i want this to be true and how desperate i was to be okay again.

"Kiss me, Lauren. I want you to kiss me and prove it that what you're doing is for the sake of both of us."

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