XANDER (Editing)

Chapter 48

4 YEARS LATER.....

I look down at my desk and release a sigh. I've been at work for 9 hours today, sorting through paper work.
Noah would've been doing some of these stuff, but he's away right now. After Izzy's death, I became my old self. I closed myself off from people to try and freeze the emotions I have to make the pain a little more bearable. Unfortunately it hasn't worked and yet, for some reason I still do it. I think it is a sign of protection. To shut of emotion means to not let people have power over me and therefore not get hurt. The last time I opened up to someone died...and I still have some wounds from that.

Noah couldn't take the Alpha position. Once Izzy died, I needed him to help me organise the pack again. Alpha Landon understood, but was not happy...this was four years ago and the pack is still shattered. It seems when Izzy died, she took the joy and passion of the pack with her, leaving them slow, dark and glum.

It has definitely been a struggle. However, not everything has been all bad. Eddie and Zapora have a Daughter and another one on the way. Soul and Lincoln have been trying to get out more. They've even gone on dates with some other she-wolves. I don't ever believe that they would ever re-mate. But just the fact that they are doing something such as this is good. I take it as a sign of healing for them which gives me a sort of peace.

My thoughts are interrupted when I hear big thumps coming outside my office door. Then suddenly a little boy bursts trough the entrance in tears. My son, Xavier.

I turn in my office chair. He jumps on my lap, wraps his small arms around me an cries into my shoulder. I circle my arms around him and rub his back, "What's wrong Xavier?"

Zapora comes running in my office panting which I'm not surprised about considering she is heavily pregnant.

"Sorry Xander. I couldn't catch him. He had a bad nightmare again."

I nod my head towards her, "it's okay Zapora, I'll take it from here."

She nods her head and leaves, closing the door.

I look down at my little boy on my lap, "So you had a nightmare huh?" I ask softly.

He nods his little head and cuddles deeper into me, "I try to be brave like you, but it hard cause I get so scared."

I pull my son closer to me and I whisper, "Do you want to know a little secret?"

Xavier looks up at me with his puffy eyes and runny nose. He nods his head frantically.
I lean a little bit closer and say,"I get scared."

His eyes widen and his mouth drops open, "But you're the Alpha! You're not allowed to be scared!"

I chuckle, "Everyone gets scared Xavier, even Alpha's."

"When were you really really scared?"

I was silent for a little bit then said, "the last time I was really really scared was when I lost your mama."

"Mama?" He whispers.

I nod my head, "Yeah. But I made sure that no one knew."

"How?"

"Well, do you have a mean face?"

He scrunches his face into an angry face. His brows were arched down, be bared his teeth and growled. He looks like me when I'm grumpy. I throw my head back and laugh, "That's very good! Now, as long as you have that face when you're scared, no one will think you are."

He nods his head. Xavier starts to look around the room. His eyes land on a picture frame that has been turned down. He climbs off my lap and walks towards it. He lifts it up, revealing the picture. I instantly look away and close my eye. I create a fist and hold it against my mouth. It's too painful to look at it. "This is Mama." Xavier stated.