I fear the disappointment in my father's face;
his lowered eyes,
his disapproving tongue,
the cheekbones that fell from the smile they were in,
his eyebrows, turned down.
I fear the shake of his head,
his slumped posture,
his tone, the thoughts in his mind.
I fear working hard, or at least,
trying to, doing my best
just to fail in the end.
I fear this for myself,
my teachers,
my family,
my friends.
This fear that suffocates me,
that makes me disbelieving of
my own capabilities,
my skills, achievements,
the compliments I receive,
the role model people see me as.
Disappointment hurts more than any angry action.
Any physical blow that could stem from anger,
a punch, a shove, a kick, a choke, a punch,
any angry words uttered because of a person's own pain.
With anger, someone is scared, so scared that
they don't know how to react, letting their anger
shoot out like a fire-breathing dragon,
flames lashing out, scorching and burning anyone in its path.
I can deal with anger, at least, that's what I tell myself.
But not disappointment.
Disappointment hurts more than any angry action.
Disappointment lets you know that
you let someone you care about down,
someone you wanted to make proud.
Sometimes,
it feels like no matter what you do,
this person will be disappointed.
Yeah, it can make you despondent,
depressed, and crestfallen,
but you need to remember—
you should be more worried about
disappointing yourself over anyone else,
because this is your life and you need to
do things for yourself, be motivated for yourself.
It's difficult, trust me, I know firsthand,
to quickly bounce back from a disappointment,
but you've gotta work up from it and
be aware of the easy discouragement.
I was discouraged.
Still am.
And I'm working on that,
working on not feeling like a disappointment.
It's all in my head, the fear blinds me.
In the end, you have to realize—
there's a way
to rid yourself of disappointment:
prideful, determined, and resilient.
Learn to bounce back and retaliate, accept failures, move on, and achieve.
A/N
Watch the movie Pride (2007). IMDb has this as its description: "The determined Jim Ellis starts a swim team for troubled teens at the Philadelphia Department of Recreation." It's a pretty good movie. Not the best, but definitely not the worst. It carries an amazing message. Check it out.
Song: Bounce Back - Big Sean
YOU ARE READING
Mind {Prose Vol. 2}✔
Poetry❝In my mind, there is pain. I am exhausted. I feel defeat from my hair tips to my feet- my body feels the stress weighing down on my shoulders. I try and try every day, but nothing seems to go my way. In my mind, there is pain, yet I try because one...
