Senior year rolled around, you were still stressed, everything was a mess
you couldn't do anything right, you were never enough, you knew it, you're stupid
you're useless, just stop
Black girl, Black girl, you don't deserve to grow up,
this pain is your life, you can't escape, just suffocate, you don't need to be here anyway
you avoided your friends, don't even eat lunch with them anymore
you stayed in the guidance office, a routine, by yourself just eating sometimes if you wanted,
stayed there at the round table, eating or not, in between lunches
you felt tired all the time, mentally you were so exhausted,
your classes got harder and your home life was still awful, weighing you down, flattening you
you ran track again but you weren't all the way there
couldn't believe in yourself, couldn't get yourself there
too much weighed on your brain and you couldn't make it go away
your dad seemed to hate you and apparently you never listened
the step didn't try speaking to you, you were a burden, she wanted you gone
because if you left she could keep going, convince your dad to move to a smaller house
you'd be off to college, no longer in her way, wouldn't that be great? it'd all be over
you got spiked, you needed stitches, you got 21 on your leg
they're still there, they're quite ugly, she didn't like them either
they hurt a lot, you had crutches, you struggled walking, nothing was fair
you already had tendonitis in both legs, you had been first place, then your chance was taken by a hair
the ugly scars still remain, sometimes you hate them too, you already hate you,
you're still small, your hair's a mess, you're not really feeling the love
you had crutches and stitches for about a week, then the guy took them out, he wasn't very neat
the nasty scars still remain, one flat the other puffy, but you get back into running though
you're just a lost puppy.
you work hard for your grades, but you fall back and are tired. you have to do them in the mornings,
but you've already got a class so early, what is sleep? you struggle with it, take too long
everything hurts
Black girl, Black girl, why is this house so filled with hate?
you have college apps, sats, schoolwork, sports and resumes
you didn't apply to many scholarships, you could barely handle your schoolwork,
a friend talked to her guidance counselor that talked to yours and you got pulled out of class
they talked to you, you were wary, scared, over it all
she called your dad and things got bad, everything was worse and all you wanted was to end up in a hearse
you tried so hard every year to stay alive, to stop slipping away, to feel okay, to feel alive
a/n
Part seven of a long, unedited poem series; probably around seven parts written 10:58pm-12:09am June/9-10/2020.
CITEȘTI
Mind {Prose Vol. 2}✔
Poezie❝In my mind, there is pain. I am exhausted. I feel defeat from my hair tips to my feet- my body feels the stress weighing down on my shoulders. I try and try every day, but nothing seems to go my way. In my mind, there is pain, yet I try because one...
