146th Poem: If, If, If [2]

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If, If, If: A Pensive Struggle

Post from my Wattpad messageboard around 9pm EDT, Saturday May 16, 2020. I was and still am going through it.

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I realize now that I have mastered the art of crying with no sound. Here, on my bed, I lay. I stare up at the ceiling blankly, tears rolling down each side of my face.

Yet I still hate crying. It only ever made things worse. How much longer can I stay here? I left, but when I leave again, is it only to come back? Am I constrained to some Boomerang? 

How much longer can I take this? How much longer until I fully snap and finally decide let's just end it all? 

How can I live when every day it feels like another piece of me dies, buried, deep, deep, deep in a place that I cannot find?


A/N

Visuals via my Commaful page, thougtfuldragon, in the external link. Aka, this link: https://commaful.com/play/thougtfuldragon/if-if-if-2/

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