Learning How to Bend

Day 23 - Friday morning musings :)

I was wrong.  I was very wrong.  If only hoping could turn wishes into reality.  I had nightmares for a week and a half straight, not only about Marcus but also the...other dreams.  The dreams which had tortured me since I was a child.  The dreams which I mentioned to no one because not only did I want others' pity, I did not want anyone to think I was...crazy.  I did not even really like thinking about them, but they were always there.

I blamed the man in them.  If you could even call it a man.  I had started dreaming about him when I was six years old, and he never went away, no matter how much I begged and pleaded for him to leave me alone.  He seemed to be the epitome of a sadist.  Every time I cried, it only seemed to empower him.  Every time I woke, I could hear his laugh in my ears.  I did not like him.  I would never like him, and no matter how many times I encountered him, I would always be afraid.  I knew each time how the dream would end, yet it still terrified me.  I still woke up covered in sweat and feeling like I had almost had a heart attack.  I could not breathe.  Could not think.  Could not do anything until I convinced myself none of it was real.  Not real.  Not real.

It was 8:00AM.  Normally, I would have gotten up by now.  Especially after having a dream, but I was completely exhausted from so many nights of little to no sleep.  It was December.  The snow had yet to start to fall, but the meteorologists guessed we would get our first snowstorm within the next two weeks.  I hated snow.  I hated ice.  I had enough trouble walking around the city as it was.  Add ice to the mix, and no, forget it.  Most people could see things to grab if they started to fall.  I could not click fast enough, so there was no doubt I would end up on my tailbone.  I did have Chelise, who did help me, but I often worried about hurting her, thus I tried to avoid using her for a slip-prevention purpose.

My personal phone rang.

A song from the musical Wicked played.

Katherine.

Groaning and moving my stuffed dog from my arms, I pulled my phone from the nightstand and answered it. "Hello?"

"You sound terrible," Kat said.

"Good morning to you, too," I said dryly. I ran my hand down my face. "What's up?"

"Are you going to host me a baby shower?"

"Ammm I supposed to?" My heart jumped in my chest.

"Usually it's something friends or relatives do, yeah." I could hear the relief in Kat's voice. "I was just calling to tell you not to do it.  So thanks for being unknowledgeable."

"You're welcome," I said with a smile. "What's going on?"

"Make Joe go away," she said.

"What's he doing?" Another smile.

"Being suffocating.  He won't leave me alone.  Please come keep me company so he feels like he can leave.  He hasn't even been going to the grocery store; he's just had things delivered.  I'm going to go crazy."

"I can do that.  Just give me 20 minutes, and I'll be over."

"Thank you.  Please rescue me."

"He just loves you." I giggled a little. "Give him some slack."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.  You try having him as a husband."

"You love him, too!"

"I do.  So much." She turned serious for a couple moments before changing back to the lighter tone. "Get a move on!  Do you want me to wait for you downstairs?"

"No, I'll be fine." My voice sounded more certain than I felt.

"Lily..."

"Seriously, don't hold burden yourself for my sake.  You're how many weeks pregnant now?"