Learning How to Bend

January 2

HAPPY NEW YEAR, LADIES AND GENTS. My New Year's Resolution...is to finish the first draft of this book.  Do y'all think I can do it?  I hope so.  For y'all's sakes and mine... 

April 21. Time passed way too quickly. The rest of the week, I mostly spent at work because it distracted me from the fact that Thaddeus was leaving. The sadness was also causing my nightmares—especially about Marcus—to rear their ugly heads. He had tried to convince me that Thaddeus was not loyal. I knew his history with Antonia, and I had no doubt there were others before me. Marcus kept saying I was not good enough for him. I could never be good enough because of my blindness. He was only dating me out of pity. Or he was stringing me along because he saw me as an easy target. He saw me as weak, like Marcus himself did.

When I heard his laughter in my head, I shook myself awake and rolled onto my side, away from Thaddeus. Grabbing one of the pillows off the floor, I clutched it to my chest and burrowed my face into the soft pillowcase. The one good thing was that it seemed like the Marcus nightmares were becoming way more prevalent than the ones with the demon.

I had not yet figured out why that was. I still dreamed about the demon, but he did not terrify me as much anymore. He was losing his power over me. I had Thaddeus to thank for that, at least partly. All the credit could not go to him, though. The more I considered it, the more I thought there was part of me that believed Marcus. That I was not good enough. That my blindness made me intrinsically weak and worthless. I thought I had a high level of self-confidence, but there was always a whisper of doubt in my mind. That whisper would occasionally turn to screams, but the past year of my life had taught me how to almost completely silence that voice. Thaddeus partly contributed, yes, but it was mostly me. It was me growing comfortable in myself, in my strengths and in my weaknesses.

If that were the case, maybe the demon nightmares would eventually go away completely.

I could only hope.

I heard something buzz behind me, and it was soon joined by a chime.

Thaddeus's alarm.

He was originally going to leave tomorrow, but he moved his flight up so he could have a little time prior to all of his activities beginning in Tokyo on Monday. I understood his job, so I knew he needed to do it, even if I did not like it. His fourteen-hour flight was going to be the longest fourteen hours of my life as I waited for him to text me that he had arrived safely. I did not have a phobia of planes, necessarily...I just really did not like them. At all. Despite the hundreds of assurances from so many people that flying was very safe.

The bed shifted as Thaddeus shifted onto his side. I thought he was going to get up, but he instead pulled me into him and pressed a kiss to my temple after he brushed my hair out of the way. The tender touch made me smile, and I turned around so I was facing him, my head resting on his shoulder.

"I have to go," he said.

"I know." I sighed. "Do you have everything packed?"

"Yes."

"Your taking your jet, aren't you?"

"Indeed."

"You have my dog, too?"

"Yes, I have the stuffed dog." I heard the smile in his voice.

"Good." I returned the smile with a little giggle.

"I like hearing you do that."

"What's that?"

"Laugh."

"It's all because of you," I said.

He kissed my lips. "I'm going to miss waking up to this."

"You're a big boy. You'll be just fine without me."