Learning How to Bend

January 6

//So, I'm gonna have to tweak this a bit...eventually. Because apparently appeals have to be made within 14 days after judgment, according to U.S. code, oops. I'll probably eventually change it to parole instead, but I need to do a bit more research on the rules and regulations in New York.  It's all so convoluted, I'm starting to think I actually need to talk to a criminal lawyer or a law student. My word.  Anywho, continuing on...

I also just made some minor grammatical changes to this, so I apologize if you lovely folks get a notification for a second update on this chapter. :)

Joe left. I did everything I possibly could not to fall asleep. I went running. I cooked. I worked. I cleaned. I did whatever task came to my mind to keep me occupied, because the minute I sat down and did nothing, the moment Marcus would invade my thoughts. I did not want to have another panic attack, especially not with Joey present to help pull me out of it.

I sat down on the couch.

I did not know what it was or how it happened, but I fell asleep. It had been over 24 hours since I had last slept, and there was nothing I could do to keep it away.

My personal demons wreaked havoc, and I woke up with a jolt feeling more exhausted than I did before. I thought I would dream of Marcus, but I did not. All the sounds...they were far too familiar.

But the voices did not match the last time I heard this kind of affair.

Last time, it was Mitchell and that woman he slept with on my couch.

This time, it was Thaddeus and Antonia.

My whole body shaking and covered in sweat, I twirled a lock of hair around my finger. When it tightened until I could not tug on it anymore, I released it and repeated the motion in the opposite direction. Somehow the movement was soothing, up until I heard Antonia's voice in my head again.

"No," I said, standing from the couch.

I took a cold shower until I was shaking not from fear but from feeling like my toes were going to freeze off. The only other indication of how long I was under the streaming water was the fact the skin of my fingers was wrinkled and shriveled like an old woman's.

It was an absolutely preposterous notion, the idea of Thaddeus sleeping with Antonia. I knew it would never happen, yet my brain was still playing games with me. I hated it. I hated every second of it. No matter how many times I repeated in my head that Thaddeus loved me, that he cared for me, that he would never do anything to betray my trust, a voice in my head told me I was wrong. It was a voice I recognized.

The demon from my nightmares.

He had not tortured me for what seemed like years, so now he was whispering different doubts into my ear, thoughts which were not welcome, and thoughts I just wanted to go away.

I did not know when it happened, but I fell asleep again, this time on my bed.

The nightmare was worse.

So much worse.

I actually woke up screaming, Chelise immediately running to the top of the bed and covering me with her body to put comforting pressure on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and buried my face into her neck. I gasped for breath, futilely trying to keep from crying.

I had no idea what time it was.

I did not care.

Scrambling from the bed, I collapsed onto the floor and crawled to the living room to pull my personal phone off its charger. I had to talk to Thaddeus. Nothing else mattered at the moment. I had to know he was okay. I was being ridiculous. Paranoid.