Learning How to Bend

Day 26 - The holidays are coming!

//I actually wrote this yesterday, shhhh...//

Christmas Eve morning, my phone rang. Thinking it was Thaddeus, I answered it immediately before the fact that the ringtone was not his even crossed my mind. At that point, I paused, holding back the swear I actually wanted to say. Whoever was on the other side of the line did not say a word.

My first thought was it was Marcus, and it caused my heart to jolt in my chest. This was the kind of stunt he had pulled after we had broken up, and I felt my breathing shorten as my heart rate increased. Marcus was gone, though. And he did not have this number. It could not be Marcus. He was gone. Gone, gone, gone.

"Hello?" I managed.

"Liliana?"

I felt like I could not breathe.

"Are you there?"

"Dad." I could barely believe I actually heard his voice on the other end of the line. I had been trying so hard to avoid talking to him, but now I had figuratively walked right into it. Did the room grow colder, or was it just me? Probably just me. I sat up in bed and ran a trembling hand through my hair. "What do you want?"

"I wanted to catch up with you. We haven't talked in a while."

"Why?" I did not mean for my voice to be as icy as it sounded. "We haven't talked for a reason."

"I know." I heard him sigh. "How are you doing?"

"Fine."

"Are you still friends with Joe?"

"Yes. He's married, and his wife is expecting a baby soon," I said. Why was I telling him this?

"Really?"

"Yes. Her name is Katherine, and she's a trauma nurse here in the city."

"And yourself?"

"What about me?"

"Are you...married? Seeing anyone?"

"What business is it of yours?" I asked.

"I'm just trying to find out what's going on in your life. Is that a crime?"

I said nothing. I had not told him a word about my experience with Marcus, and I did not want to tell him anything about it now. I wanted to tell him nothing about my life, because he had never cared. I was never good enough for him in my youth, and I was always doing things wrong, no matter how hard I worked to please him. I still felt ignored and unloved. I had long ago accepted that my father would not be a serious part of my life, and I wanted to keep it that way. If I did this, I was only opening myself up to pain, and I did not need more of that in my life.

But you've opened yourself up to Thaddeus, a voice inside me said. Maybe you could try the same with Peter Hamill.

I swallowed.

"How are things at work?" he asked.

"Good," I said. "I actually meet biweekly with the company's president and CEO. I guess he values my input."

"Where do you work again?" 

"Same company I was with in Texas. Andino Incorporated."

"Ah," he said. "So you're enjoying it, then?"

"It's challenging, fulfilling, and it pays well. I sometimes have to work overtime, but I don't mind."

"Good. I'm happy for you."

"What's going on, Dad?" I asked, frowning. Those were words I had never previously heard from him. "Seriously. You've been trying to call me since September. Do you need money again?"