Learning How to Bend

December 17

//So my original intention was to try to finish this book on Christmas, as the last little segment actually occurs on December 25, 2018. But doesn't quite look like I'll get there. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little update! More to come when I have time to write.

Another month passed. Thaddeus and I grew closer.  It had been eleven months since the company barbecue, and it had been the best eleven months of my life, despite the heartbreak of losing my father. With his loss, I gained a stepmother named Susan.  Through her, I learned more about Peter Hamill than ever before.  I learned of his sense of humor.  His love of dipping his French fries in a chocolate milkshake.  I learned how the first meal he made for Susan was tater tot casserole, and how it was the soggiest thing she ever ate.  She even had videos of him at his birthday, at her birthday, and I could tell just how happy he was.  I heard the smile in his voice, and I finally heard the sound of his laughter.  It was an absolutely beautiful sound.  Since the funeral proceedings, Susan and I had talked maybe once every other week, and for the first time in my life, I felt I had a parental figure who actually cared about me. 

My last conversation with her two days ago, she asked whether I had read the letter my father wrote.  To be frank, I had completely forgotten about it.  I had left it with Thaddeus.  Surely he still had it.  Now that letter was going to be haunting me at the back of my head for the rest of the day.  I had already arranged with Joe and Kat that I was coming over today to see Elizabeth, who was home from the hospital.  The taxi door opened, and I stepped out of the vehicle with Chelise before crossing the street to the apartment building.  I walked as quickly as I could to avoid thinking much about where I was walking.  My goddaughter was inside, and I desperately wanted to see her. 

I rode the elevator up to their floor.  As soon as the doors opened, I immediately heard a happy giggle of a greeting from Katherine as she gave me a hug.  We walked into their apartment, and I released Chelise from her harness.

"You're here, Lil," Joe greeted.  It sounded like he was in the kitchen. "Want to hold little Lizzy?"

"You know, all of us should agree on a nickname for her, or we're going to confuse her," I said, entering the kitchen and reaching out my hands.  Joe placed the baby in my outstretched arms, and I held her close.  Joe put a hand at the small of my back and pressed a kiss on my temple before I went back in the living room to sit next to Katherine on the couch.

"How've you been?  How are things with Thaaadeus?" Kat asked.

"Why'd you say his name like that?"

"Like what?"

"'Thaaaaadeus,'" I mimicked her tone. "Everything's fine.  We just talked yesterday.  We're both busy with work, and...other things." Like nightmares.  Nightmares almost every night for the past two weeks.  I failed to mention to Kat that we had talked twice yesterday, once in the early morning and once before bed.  I had actually fallen asleep to the sound of Thaddeus's voice.  I had not meant to, but it just...soothed me.  Minor detail that I woke up three hours later. 

"What's on your mind?" Kat asked. She touched Elizabeth's cheek.

"How can you tell something's on my mind?"

"You're not very good at hiding it," she said.

I sighed.

"Lily..."

"Susan reminded me of this letter my dad wrote me.  She gave it to me at the funeral, and I'd forgotten about it.  Thaddeus still has it, I guess.  I just don't know what's in it, and it's gnawing at me."

"Do you want to call him?" Kat put a hand on my arm.

"Yeah...yeah, that might be best." I turned my face down to the baby in my arms. "Could you call him?  He's speed-dial 4."