Pure Belleza | ✔️

(78)

Recap

Abby met Harley, a survivor, who invited her along to a sexual assault survivors meeting.
Bernie met a big time designer and is now deciding what path she wants to take and this point in her life.
Abby and Flynn are not talking at the moment but are on good terms.

Even though I was recovering, doing well and progressing, there were some triggers that were harder to kick.

Like nerves and anxiety, they killed my appetite and made it impossible to eat. Not that, that was a trait exclusive to eating disorders. But it was a fine line to walk.

Skipping meals and getting into the habit of rejecting food opened up doors to that familiar feeling of achievement in the worst sort of way.

That was how I used to feel when I went three days straight without eating more than a piece of toast. When I was so hungry that it hurt, I was happy, because I knew that I was making progress.

Associating hunger with happiness was so ingrained within me, it was hard to redefine those emotions and I was still working on it.

Occasionally, when I was beginning to get hungry before dinner, there was a brief— super brief— moment where I felt that default sense of relief and it scared the hell out of me.

"Abby," Max said from beside me.

We were eating breakfast at the table and I figured he'd finally noticed that I'd been stirring oatmeal around my bowl for the last fifteen minutes.

Today was Wednesday, Harley and I were going to the support group meeting and to sayI was nervous, was an understatement.

Which was ridiculous because I'd shared my entire story, in detail, on national television.

"Yeah?" I said to Max.

His knee bounced under the table and when I finally looked at him, he was pale. Without another word, he put a little velvet box on the table.

Inside, was a ring. A beautiful white gold band with an enormous square diamond sitting in between claws that were encrusted with micro sized jewels. It was glittering in the morning sunlight.

"It's too soon," he said. "Right? It is. Is it?"

"I mean, when is it the right time to propose to your sister? I'm not saying yes to incest."

He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"So, wow," I said, picking up the box. It was a beautiful ring. "You're going to propose? That's huge. Like, a ring and all. I mean, I know Luc proposed to Mills in his own weird way but she refuses to refer to him as her fiancé until she gets a ring."

"Am I insane?"

"I don't know," I slid the ring box back. "No. I guess not. Not if you love her."

"I do," he wore a small thoughtful smile. "It's barely been one year since we started dating but I just. . . I can't stop thinking about how right it would feel. You know?"

"You're such a romantic. I'm not actually surprised to be honest. I wondered when you'd decide to pop the question. I can't imagine she'd say no."

He smiled and snapped the ring box closed, slipping it into his pocket.

"How are you going to ask?"

"Haven't thought that far ahead," he rested his elbows on the table top. "I've got ideas and that sort of thing but I haven't decided on anything official."