You have hidden desires– Ayo
As the bus nears the gate of my house my phone buzzes loudly with several texts from Ayo and Nora.
Ay: So are Faith and Travis a thing?
Nora: they can't be just friends rii
Ay: Faith. Faith come and defend yourself
Faith: are you guys all right at all😭
Ay: that doesn't answer the question
Nora: he's cute jsyk
Faith: Can you both rest? I'm going home now
Ay: so you'll tell us when you get home?
Faith: there's nothing to tell, I don't like him. We really are just friends.
I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell them about Alex, because they'll definitely ask me if I still like him. And I'm not sure yet.
The bus screeches to a halt in front of my blue painted house. I greet the driver goodbye, something I've grown accustomed to, and jump down. The gate man opens up after the first ring.
"Welcome small oga," he greets me loudly. Uche has been calling me small oga since he started working here. It's almost like an insult now, since I have little to no power in this house.
"Good afternoon," I greet him back, making my way to the front door.
"Mummy I'm back!" I yell when I enter. She comes out of the kitchen wearing an apron and holding a knife.
"Welcome, go and get changed and come and eat quickly," she orders.
"Um, are we going somewhere?" I ask.
"Yes. Now go and change quickly." I do as she says and quickly change into a jeans trouser and a blue tank top. When I get down she's already served my plate of hot scones and chocolate tea for me. As I eat she finishes up in the kitchen and also goes to change. By the time she comes back down ready, I'm already done.
I follow her hasty steps outside and inside her Benz and almost as soon as I came in, I'm back outside.
When we're well off on the road I summon the courage to ask mummy where exactly it is we're going.
"We're going and old friend of mine. She has a hospital nearby, today she'll be performing surgery and she's okay with you coming to see it," she explains.
"Surgery? Why do I need to see a surgery?"
"Because you seem to have forgotten exactly who you are. I just thought I should remind you," she snaps. I sit quietly throughout the ride contemplating exactly how I landed here.
I know her problem, that is, my mum's problem. She feels under achieved and she's projecting her insecurities onto us. Wanting us to fill it. I know she wanted to be a doctor too, she wanted to be like her friends but my mum couldn't make the cut off mark for JAMB. It cost her 3 good years of her life. Now, she's fixated by the idea of us becoming doctors.
I don't want to be a doctor.
I definitely don't want to be a surgeon, how do I tell her?
••••
We're a tad bit too late for introductions because by the time we enter the hospital the surgery's already commenced. I'm happy for this change of plans and just about to start telling mummy to drive us back when a nurse comes to tell us that I can still watch the surgery.
She gives me a face mask to wear and a blue gown, then she leads me into a small room near the ICU.
"Can you see it?" She whispers to me before she leaves. I nod in reply and continue watching the surgery. It's like the interrogation room in a prison. Why was this place even created?
She closes the door and it becomes evident that I'm all alone. Watching a process that I have no idea about. I can see the several nurses assisting the doctor, and I can see blood on their gloves but I can't really see the patient. What are they operating on? Are they replacing or removing an organ? Once again my mother has barged head first into the problem, not bothering to check the little details that matter.
I do quite fine for the first 10 minutes, I'm even impressed by my calmness. Until of course, something goes terrible wrong and the nurses start going haywire. Panic spreads all around me as I watch in anticipation of how exactly this problem, whatever it was would be solved.
I never get to see that though, because the moment my eyes land on the torn skin of the patient, they roll over from terror. I have no control of my body as I feel my weight collapse onto the ground.
••••
I'm seated in the doctor's office, glass of juice in my hand. Mummy is sitting next to me, giving me another shade of her disapproving look.
"Future doctor is fainting at the sight of blood, only Jesus can save us," she clasps both her hands together in disbelief. The doctor, Mrs. Wonu smiles warmly at me, she can see that I am not a future doctor.
"Eunice you know that it's not everyone that can stand blood. You yourself fainted the first time you saw it," she laughs softly.
"It wasn't because of the blood I fainted," I start softly.
"Really?" Mrs. Wonu asks the same time mummy rolls her eyes. Mrs. Won't ignores her and looks at me intently.
"It was because of the state of her body. It just looked as if everything was in the wrong place you know?"
"I can understand, this is your first time seeing a surgery," she pauses, glancing nervously at mummy. "But do you see yourself ever doing it?"
"Is that even a question?" Mummy immediately replies, whipping her head around to face me.
"I don't know," I reply half heartedly, choosing the level ground.
"Stop decieving yourself o, our family is a family of certified and qualified doctors. Chidinma is enjoying her life working as a neurologist, Stephanie is already head of her department, Amaka will soon finish better prepare yourself–"
"But Eunice, the girl is obviously uninterested. Isn't there any other course that is–"
"Her Father has spoken and that is what will happen. It's already running late, we'll take our leave. Faith has school tomorrow." I step out ahead of mummy, leaving her to say her goodbyes. Her words ring in my head all through the drive home. Our family is a family of doctors. Her father has spoken.
When I get home the first thing I reach for the cigarette pack inside my drawer. But then Travis's look of disappointment fills my head. He won't say but he expects me to be able to control myself. He, just like everyone else has expectations for me that I just have to fulfill. Expectations that are slowly killing me. Pushing all the sensibility away I grab the cigarette pack and my lighter then I jump out from my window to have a good smoke.
YOU ARE READING
P for Perfect
Teen Fiction6 high schoolers battle the expectations from their parents, their school and the society at large. Faced under such pressure each battle with their demons differently. Some lashing it out on others, others burying it deep inside of them. Follow the...
