SURVIVE (THRIVE: Book Two)

Chapter 58- Reminders

Trigger Warning: PTSD/Sexual Nature

"Not being able to choose when we reincarnate is probably the hardest part of OUR immortality." I sigh, resting my elbows on the table "At the same time, I feel like it reminds us how despite everything, we aren't invincible."

    "I get that," Kai sighs, suddenly glaring at the ground with guilt "You already know the worst part about mine."

    "Hey," I say, reaching out to hold his hands "You weren't the one that chose that life, it was the only thing you knew. Don't beat yourself up over someone else's decisions." I try to be sympathetic. I know he has done awful things to survive, but we have all been influenced by the way we were raised, for better or for worse. He needs guidance now more than ever, to see a light out of the darkness that has been his world until this point. I want to be that guiding light.

    "Malakai," Magnus begins hesitantly, "I think the real question is; where do you want to go from here?"

    "What do you mean?" Kai asks nervously.

    "I just think, you just..." Magnus seems to be tripping over his own words "When it comes down to it, you seem like a good guy, and you seem like you want to live a better life, so, how do you want to do that?" he asks. Kai and I both seem to stare at him equally aghast by this unexpected insightful question. Magnus is a smart guy, but this entire conversation he's seemed uneasy and unsure of himself. I turn to Kai who now seems lost in thought.

    "Kai?" I ask worriedly, seeing his face begin to drop.

    "Thank you for seeing a better side in me," Kai sighs solemnly "But even if I wanted to try and change, I don't think they would let me," he explains, tilting his head back to look at the ceiling. Suddenly, Eli walks out of the back with a tray of mugs, and the savory aroma of fresh coffee wafts through the air.

    "You three look like you could use a pick-me-up." Eli smiles warmly as he passes out the mugs. I smile back as I take mine, and Magnus immediately perks up.

    "Thank you, sir," Kai says politely as Eli places the cup before him.

    "Don't mention it, kid." he responds kindly "I'm sorry for the way I acted when you came in, after everything Gael put us through, you have to understand-"

    "No apology necessary." Kai states respectfully as he gently touches his forehead "I understand the position I put you all in, I should have thought about how you would all react." he explains. Eli looks around at the empty pub and sighs as he pulls up a chair and sits down with us.

    "Son, I'm sorry to hear that you've had a rough go of it, but more so, I'm glad to hear that you want to do something better with your life," Eli explains.

    "It still feels impossible." Kai sighs "I don't want to completely abandon my family, but, Tessa said it best when we were in the compound; they're a shit show."

    "I hate to say that they're beyond saving, but I've seen firsthand what they do, and you can't melt away a thousand years of that lifestyle." I sigh, trying to wrack my brain for an answer to this impossible situation "Even if they wanted to change, just how many people have they killed just to satisfy themselves?" As I ask the rhetorical question, Kai looks guilty again, and I realize I may have struck a nerve. I think he knows what needs to happen, but I'm not sure yet whether he has truly accepted it.

    "After what Lucius did to you," Magnus begins, gently squeezing my hand "I could never look at him as anything more than some bloodthirsty vampire."

    "He hates that term," Kai sighs, savoring a sip of coffee. "he says that it has a bad connotation to it."

    "He told me that too, but I don't understand what that means." I start to think "I mean, he quite literally drinks blood, what else would he be?"