writing 4 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜: WRITING ADVICE TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER

10 Tips for Heartbreaks and Breakups

Valentine's Day is right around the corner, which means lots of people are about to be really sad. Because of this, now seems like the perfect time to discuss heartbreak and breakups, specifically how to write this sort of stuff so it crushes your reader.

by Jenna Moreci

1. Hints & Signs: Breakups do not come out of nowhere. Many people argue against this point because a lot of times breakups do feel like they've come out of nowhere. One minute, you're happy. The next minute, you're dumped. the point is just because of breakup feels sudden, doesn't mean it is. the dumper has likely been thinking about it for a while, and many times, there are signs that we've missed, either because we were busy, oblivious, or blinded by love. It's fine if The Break-Up comes out of nowhere from the character's perspective, but nine times out of ten, it shouldn't come out of nowhere from the reader's perspective. that doesn't mean the reader should necessarily predict the breakup, but there should be some hints that have been left along the way. It could reoccurring disagreements. It could be a decrease in affection. Plant some kind of seeds for the readers because otherwise, the breakup is just going to feel like a plot

2. The Bad Guy: One person isn't always to blame. Lots of fictional breakups focus on one evildoer. Someone cheated or was abusive or was a jerk. This is fine if it fits your narrative, but relationships are usually a lot more complicated then one person being the good guy and one person being the bad guy. Sometimes relationships fail because both partners screwed up individually. Other times breakups happen for reasons outside the relationship entirely. These factors are especially important to consider if you plan to get your characters back together. No one wants to read about your character taking back a cheating piece of crap. If the intention is for the breakup to be temporary, make sure the offenses are either equal or justifiably forgivable. No one person should be the bad guy. 

3. Internal Struggle: "It's not you, it's me." Lots of writers regurgitate the same dating woes, particularly infidelity, in order to move the story along. But there are other options, ones that might make a lot more sense to the story, especially if your characters have a good thing going. Sometimes breakups happen in relationships that seemed great, and usually, that's because one party in particular is having some kind of personal problem. For example, people have broken up with partners they adored because of mental illness. Maybe they don't feel like they can properly contribute to the relationship in a healthy way until they get their depression under control. Again, these are avenues you might want to take into consideration depending on the characters' lifestyle, personality, and whether or not you want them to get back together.

4. Screaming: It ain't always a screaming match. It can very well be a screaming match, but that's not your only option. A lot of writers create dramatic, angry breakups, and if that fits the situation, have at it, but a lot of times breakups are just a discussion. Yes, there's usually crying or even sobbing, but not all breakups involve violent rage or smashing windows. "But Jenna!!! A screaming match is a lot more interesting to read! It's interesting if it fits the situation. If it doesn't, it's gonna read like melodrama. The emotional tone needs to fit the reason behind the split as well as the characters' personalities, otherwise, they're just going to look like a bunch of toddlers crapping their diapers.

5. Calm Splits: Calm comes from three places. Some writers like the flip the script and go with the opposite end of the spectrum. "I want to write a healthy breakup, so I'm going to make sure each party remains perfectly poised and calm. No crying, no name-calling, just an honest, composed conversation. First of all, showing emotion when you're splitting up with someone you care for is not an unhealthy thing to do. It's perfectly normal to cry during a breakup. It's normal to be angry if you feel betrayed. Second, being calm during a breakup isn't the sign of a healthy breakup. Being calm during any situation that would normally make people emotional is usually a sign of one of three things. One is shock; the person is so taken aback, they've gone blank. Two is acceptance; they saw the writing on the wall, they already knew the breakup was coming. And three is apathy; they don't give a crap, probably because they're not that into their partner. If your character fits into one of these three situations, then a column breakup is probably suitable, otherwise, they're going to come off as robotic.

6. Different Strokes: Everyone handles heartbreak differently. A lot of writers ask me how to write heartbreak point-by-point, as if there's some sort of one-size-fits-all formula. That ain't how it works. Look at the real world. Look at your past relationships. Look at your friends' relationships. I'm sure you'll see that everyone handles breakups differently. For example, a friend of mine handles breakups really hard. She can be upset about a split for months. On the flip side, I'm an icy witch. I usually need about one day to cry, and then after that, I try to move on. "But Jenna!!! How do I know how my character would handle a breakup?" This is your job to figure out as a writer! Look at their characterization. Define how they handle hardship and struggle. Unfortunately, if you're looking for a formula, the odds are you're pumping out one-dimensional characters and you need to quit it.

7. Lady Cliche: Ice cream and chick flicks are cliched. 90% of the time a piece of media depicts a break up from a woman's perspective, we get the ice cream and chick flicks scene. You guys know what I'm talking about. I'm not saying women don't do this, I'm sure some women do, but an entire gender is not a monolith. We've got layers and personalities. Some of us don't like chick flicks. Some of us are lactose intolerant. Some of us would rather get drunk after a breakup. This is not to say that you should not write the ice cream and chick flicks scene, but you should only write it if it genuinely fits the character. Her having a vagina should not be the only determiner that goes into this decision.

8. Bro Cliche: Booty calls are cliched as well. On the flip side, 90% of the time we see a break up from the man's perspective we get the booty call. He goes out and gets laid because the only way to get over his ex is to rebound. Again, people certainly do this in real life, but to believe that every single man on the planet does this... is stupid. It's not the most mature coping mechanism, so if the action doesn't fit the character, you're potentially coloring them in a very negative light. Again, it's your prerogative to write a booty call, but if it doesn't fit the character's personality, it's going to look like a cliche it is.

9. Give 'Em Time: Time heals all wounds. With a few rare exceptions, people typically require time in order to heal from heartbreak. Your character is not likely to wake up the next day perfectly fine and over it. The emotions of heart rate can manifest in several different ways (depression, sadness, anger, resentment, denial, I could go on), but they're probably going to feel something. Even if they're strong and trying to move on, they're probably going to have some kind of lingering emotion that lasts for a while. It's also important to remember that stalking ex's or pining for unrequited love ain't cute. A character who was dumped a year ago, but it's still clinging to their ex is not going to come across as romantic. I know a lot of newbie writers like to go this route, but it don't work. Sorry about it.

10. Show Don't Tell: The number one rule for writing in 90% of scenes, particularly emotional scenes, is to show not tell. If you want the break up to be impactful, if you want the reader's heart to break alongside the character's, you need to show. It's not enough to say she was sad or angry. Show how that sadness and anger manifested itself within the character and within the scene. Think about your five senses. How does a character's anger look visually? Maybe their eyes are narrowed or their jaw is clenched. How did the character's sadness feel physically? Did their stomach drop? Is their chest hollow or aching? Showing emotion is going to make it a lot easier for readers to put themselves in the character's position and thus become invested in the moment.