Wallflower Ink

Chapter 26

·Merri·

Joe's is full and as we walk in my heart immediately begins to race. By the time I realize what my treacherous hand is doing, it is already too late. Jace's fingers weave through mine and he gently grips the hand I've slipped into his.

"We can leave, if you want," he says as he bends closer to me to be heard over the noise of the bar. "We don't have to stay."

"I'm fine," I say, though I'm not entirely sure that is the case.

After the first time I came here with Jace, and the subsequent disaster initiated by Kyle, my mind connects this place with my natural flight instincts, and though the last time had turned out fine there is little I can do to change my misgivings.

"You don't look fine," Jace says as he stops us and turns to face me. "Honestly, Merri, if you don't feel like--"

"I'll be fine, Jace. I promise. But the sooner we can get to a booth, the better I'll feel."

He smiles down at me, relief evident in his eyes, and I can't hold back my own. Sometimes, when he looks at me like this, I almost feel as if we are alone, no matter where we are. As if his gaze can automatically transport us somewhere else then deposit us in divine solitude, like castaways on an uncharted island where no one can find us and nothing can ever make me feel unsafe again.

Jace turns from me, tugs my hand gently, and I follow him willingly.

As we weave our way through the crowd I think about how I feel, how I both like and hate it in equal measure. Like, because I've never before had an opportunity like this to just feel normal. Hate, because it is Jace who makes me feel this way. By the time we reach an empty booth and sit down, my emotions are in such wild disarray I'm not sure how I really feel about anything anymore.

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asks, leaning over the table so he doesn't have to shout.

"I'm fine. I'm just feeling a bit confused."

"About what?"

I drop my gaze from his and to the to the table's top, then trace its grain with my eyes to distract me.

"Many things," I finally admit then bite my lip and say no more.

Thankfully, Jace doesn't ask me to explain myself. I need time to think about all of this, time to process and sort my emotions. The only thing is, none of them seem to fit into the neat little cubbies in my mind anymore. In fact, some don't even have one of their own.

"Mind if I buy tonight?" Jace interrupts my silent musings. "It's my turn."

I look up and give him a grateful smile, thankful that he seems to know when not to press an issue with me. I very much admire him for that.

"I think that would be fine."

"You hungry?"

I nod my head and offer him a light smile. "Famished."

"How about I order us a bite to eat? This place has the best bacon burger you'll ever put in your mouth. And their chili cheese fries?" He rolls his eyes then closes them, adopting a wistful smile that makes me giggle.