Forgotten Girl

Faults and Forever

Trigger Warning - Dissociation/Death

Lilli rested against Tonks, who had her arm wrapped protectively around the girl. She watched, exhausted, as Ginny led Harry into the room. People were talking. Something about Bill Weasley and his scars. Lilli wasn't sure anymore. She had taken a rather strong Confundus charm to the head and had to wait for the last of the effects to wear off.

One thing did make it through her cloud of haze: Dumbledore is dead. And then... something was singing. It cleared away her confusion, her pain. She looked up, realising it was a Phoenix song. It was Fawkes, lamenting his friend's death.

Oddly enough, it felt as if it was coming from inside her, her misery turned to song. Then it stopped, the final notes echoing within her chest. She chose to focus on that rather than what the others were saying.

McGonagall entered, but Lilli didn't listen. It wasn't until Harry spoke that she really listened at all.

"Snape killed Dumbledore."

An empty pit opened in Lilli. No. It couldn't be... That would mean...  She had been the one to warn him. She had thought he was on their side. 

"This is all my fault," Professor McGonagall said suddenly, "My fault. I sent Filius..."

"No, it wasn't, Professor. I warned him before you." The others looked at her, seeing how she stared into empty space, "Dumbledore and Snape, they asked me to watch Malfoy, back in September. Try to convince him to join us. I tried. I kept them up to date on what he was doing. As soon as I heard the voices, I warned him. Right before I sent one off to you.

"It's my fault."

"It's neither of your faults," Uncle Remus said firmly, grasping Lilli's knee, "We all wanted more help, we were glad to think Snape was on his way..."

Lilli didn't listen anymore, just curled up tighter between Remus and Tonks. The woman kept one hand on her head, running through her curls gently. Lilli focused on that, trying to fight back the tears that were building behind her eyes. Her fault. It was her fault.

"You see!" said a strained voice. Lilli looked up. Tonks was glaring at Uncle Remus. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She  doesn't care!" 

"It's different," said Remus, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely—" 

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front of Remus's robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times. . . ." 

"And I've told you a million times," said Remus, refusing to meet her eyes, staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor. . . too dangerous. . . ." 

"I've said all along you're taking a ridiculous line on this, Remus," said Mrs Weasley over Fleur's shoulder as she patted her on the back. Lilli stood, leaning into Tonks' side.

"You are being ridiculous, Uncle Remus," She added quietly. Tonks smiled down at her, running a hand through her hair, "You do love her, I know you do. You're hurting both of you a lot more than by just admitting it."

"I am not being ridiculous," said Lupin steadily. "Tonks deserves somebody young and whole." 

"But she wants you," said Mr Weasley, with a small smile. "And after all, Remus, young and whole men do not necessarily remain so." He gestured sadly at his son, lying between them. 

"This is . . . not the moment to discuss it," said Lupin, avoiding everybody's eyes as he looked around distractedly. "Dumbledore is dead. . . ." 

"Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world," said Professor McGonagall curtly. Hagrid came into the room, wiping away tears.

Tonks leaned down to whisper in Lilli's ear, "Thank you, Lils. You're a good kid."

Lilli glanced at her uncle who watched McGonagall and Hagrid, "He'll come around, Tonks. I know he will."

The woman smiled sadly, looking up at her love, "I hope so."

~

Lilli curled into August's side as the Hogwarts Express left the station. He wrapped an arm around her, holding a book open with the other hand. Whenever Lilli finished a page, she tapped it, then waited until he finished. Neither felt much like talking. No one did really. Just an hour ago, they had laid Dumbledore to rest. And she had noticed this morning that a pale blue rose had joined Cedric's above the fireplace.

She felt a tear slip down her cheek. August noticed, setting the book aside and pulling her closer. She buried her face in his shoulder, letting the tears finally come. She hadn't let them after the battle or during the funeral; she hadn't wanted her uncle to worry. Elspeth had seen her cry a few times on the nights she had slipped into bed with her to escape the nightmares. But other than that, she hadn't let herself grieve.

Now she did, letting August hold her and wipe them away. He didn't tell her to stop, didn't tell her that everything would be okay. He just held her, stroking her hair gently.

"How didn't someone see it?" she whispered, her forehead still pressed to his chest, "How did no one see what Snape was?"

"I don't know, love," he murmured, resting his chin on her hair, "But it wasn't your fault. Professor Lupin was right. It will never be your fault."

Lilli stayed quiet. She couldn't disagree, even though she felt it was because of her. If she had just sent one to McGonagall, Dumbledore might still be there. She knew this was futile thinking. He would have found out somehow. If not by her, by McGonagall. But still...

"Lilli? Can we talk?" Hazel eyes met brown, and she nodded, unravelling herself from August. The boy pressed another kiss to her forehead, leaving the compartment with a promise to be back later.

"What's up, Gin?" She patted the seat beside her, and Ginny sank into it. Lilli turned to face her, leaning against the wall. Ginny studied her hands.

"Harry and I broke up." Lilli reached out, resting a hand on her knee.

"He went all chivalrous, didn't he?" Ginny nodded, "Want me to go beat him up?"

She laughed, "No, although I would pay to see that. I just thought I should tell you."

Lilli smiled sadly, watching her friend wipe away a tear, "Boys are idiots. He'll come back around."

Ginny nodded, taking a shuddering breath as she tried to hold back any more tears. "Are you and Professor Lupin coming for Bill's wedding?"

~

"You know we won't be able to write each other this summer, right?" Lilli told August as they prepared to disembark the Hogwarts Express, "It's too dangerous."

He sighed, pulling her closer, "I know. My family's going into hiding. I suppose yours will be too."

Lilli nodded against his chest, "I'm going to miss you, Auggie."

"Hey, it's just one summer," he tilted her chin up, looking her in the eyes, "It's just a new adventure. We'll be back together next year."

"Yeah," she nodded, taking a deep breath, "Next year."