When Storm Clouds Hover

54: Izzy - Truce?

With all that was going on in Izzy's life, she found it tedious to focus on her studies. Her HSC was just around the corner, and she knew that despite a strong start to her year, she was now lagging badly. She'd promised her dad that she would do her best even though the circumstances weren't good, and she wanted to honor that. Today, she had a rare afternoon with no extra-curriculars, and she'd agreed to go to the library with Zara.

Atilla still hadn't been found, a constant source of worry for the family. Izzy comforted herself with the knowledge of how smart he was and how tough. Atilla was more than capable of finding food and water for himself in the city and she still held out hope that he'd come home.

Izzy had decided to put the drama of what had happened with Em and Dom out of her mind, but it was easier said than done. Em wasn't letting go of anything. Izzy had heard about their breakup, the whole school knew, but she tried not to think about it. Instead, she gave Em a wide berth.

Tal told her she'd heard from Bish that Dom broke up with Em for Izzy. This was of course, nonsense. Dom had barely said a word to Izzy in months. Bish must have got the wrong end of the stick. Izzy was certain of it.

'Iz, stop daydreaming. We don't have time for this!' Zara said, interrupting her thoughts with a firm tap on her knee and some annoying finger clicking.

Izzy laughed. 'Sorry miss!'

'Don't be sorry—be scared,' Zara said. 'We've got important life decisions to make here.'

Zara had set a goal for them to achieve today—to determine their path for next year, after school. Izzy thought it ambitious. She was barely getting though the day but as annoying as it was, she thought she'd better listen to Zara. She didn't know how she would have coped without her friend's protection and care over these past few weeks.

Zara was trying to get Izzy to consider joining her at Sydney Uni, where she would be undertaking an undergrad in psychology, but Izzy wasn't so sure. She didn't know what she wanted to study and was seriously considering taking a gap year to give herself time to figure out what she wanted.

Some months back, before her mum had gotten so unwell, Dana had taken Izzy to a career psychologist. The results of her assessment were conclusive. Izzy was creative and would likely pursue a career in the arts. Before the test, Izzy hadn't thought of herself in this way. Em was the creative one, always playing her guitar and singing, but the psychologist had been adamant. Thinking back on it now, Izzy thought the assessment was right. Her favorite subjects were in the Arts—History and English and she got good grades for them.

Izzy knew her Mum wouldn't have approved her taking time out before starting Uni. She had been super keen for Izzy to follow Mia's example and launch headfirst into tertiary studies. She wanted to honour her mum but was conflicted. She couldn't afford to study something and give it up part way though. If she started a degree, she'd have to dedicate herself to finishing it.

'Why don't you try communications?' Zara said, flicking through the Uni prospectus.

Izzy considered this idea. Everything she had done to date, pointed her in the direction of a career like media or communications. She'd volunteered to collate the school yearbook and was always writing something or other, whether it be in her diary or letters to friends. English was her best subject by far; she pretty much always came up top of the class, she'd just never thought about writing as a potential career choice.

Zara might be onto something interesting.

If she did pursue communications, she'd have to work out where best to go. Izzy knew Sydney Uni was good but there might be other places, better suited to her interests. Whilst it would be lovely to go onto study with Zara, she thought she better look more into it.

'I'll do my research,' she responded. 'Sounds like a good idea though.'

Izzy knew that Dom would be applying for Law at Sydney Uni, but that he'd have Macquarie as a backup in case he didn't get the requisite ATAR.

Why did everything come back to him?

What difference did it make where Dom went to Uni? Izzy imagined she may not ever see him after they left school, despite which Uni they went to. Without Em speaking to her, they'd probably all drift apart as friends. She was kind of the lynch pin that had held them all together. And now that Dom and Em had broken up, there would be no reason for them all to hang out. The thought made Izzy more uncomfortable than she cared to admit, but she still didn't want to be inadvertently making life choices around Dom. If she did decide to go to university next year, her choice of degree and institution would be entirely her own. In her mind it was part of the promise she'd made to her mum—her own personal pursuit of happiness.

As if fate was intervening, Em chose that exact moment to pop her head around the doorway to their dormitory. She tentatively walked up closer to the bed where Zara and Izzy were sitting and in a low voice, asked if she could speak to Izzy alone.

Zara looked to Izzy for confirmation she was okay with it. Izzy nodded and Zara rolled her long limbs of the bed, leaving the two of them alone.

'Can I sit down?' Em asked.

'Of course.'

'So—you know that Dom and I broke up?'

'I heard...' Izzy said cautiously. 'Em that doesn't have anything to do with me. I know what people are saying but Dom and I don't talk anymore. You know that.'

Em crossed her legs on the bed and pulled a pillow across them. 'I know. I just wanted to clear the air between us. You and me.'

'Are you okay?' Izzy asked tentatively.

'I don't know. I guess I have to be, eh?' Em said.

'I'm sorry.' Izzy said, looking at her hands. 'For what it's worth.'

'No, I'm sorry, Iz,' Em responded. 'I've been shitty to you, and I know you're not having the easiest time. I just wanted to tell you that I want us to be okay. I'm still mad at you, but I am also sorry for how I've been acting.'

Izzy nodded appreciatively. She wanted to give Em the chance to say what she needed to say.

'Dom breaking up with me was kind of a light bulb moment,' Em said. She looked sad. 'I can see I've been irrational about our what happened between you two, and I don't want to be anymore.'

'It's okay Em. I know you love Dom.' Izzy said in a low voice. 'It was wrong of me to get in between you two. I know that.'

'Yeah. I do love him,' Em responded, tucking her hands under the pillow. 'But it's no excuse for how I've been acting. I'm so sorry about your Mum, Iz. You know I loved her. I should have been there for you regardless of all this.'

Izzy's eyes welled up.

Em reached out and put her hand on Izzy's.

'I'm gonna leave you now. Like I said, I just wanted to put things right between us.'

Izzy's eyes met Ems. 'I appreciate it. Thanks, Em.'

She watched as Em left the room and then put her face into her pillow and wept. For some reason, Em's forgiveness, as surprising as it was, didn't make Izzy feel any better. If anything, she felt worse.