Forget-me-not

Seungmin

'Hey, I found Cynthia on the way to the convenience store.'

Seungmin stared at the text message on his phone in shock. He ignored the rest of the guys and sent back a text. His leg began to bounce while he waited for a response. A response message came instantly. He clicked the text thread to find a photo of Cynthia holding a bowl of prepackaged ramen. 

'I found her by the Han River lost and confused. She ended up outside the apartment after an unplanned fire drill and wandered off. Come see her while Flora isn't around.' 

Seungmin stared at the message, but he didn't respond to it. He glanced up to find the other guys still talking. He mumbled that he'd return momentarily and slipped into his bedroom. Cardboard boxes sat stacked along the side of the wall. He hadn't bothered unpacking the clothes from them yet. 

The dark curtains over his window were closed and blocked out most of the sunlight. His navy comforter was a twisted mess on his mattress. When he got up this morning, he never made his bed. His phone vibrated in his hand with an incoming call from Hyunjin. He swiped the phone and answered. 

"Why are you leaving me on read?" 

"Hyunjin, I'm not seeing her. I'll give you the name of the apartment complex and you can take her back there. I'll call Flora and tell her to go home, so she can take her back to the correct apartment because I don't know which one it is." 

"What? Why won't you come see her? Seungmin, now is your chance!" Hyunjin glanced around an aisle. Cynthia was staring at a cooler full of drinks trying to remember which one she liked. 

"I just can't." 

"That's not a good enough reason." 

"What if she remembers and hates me? What if she doesn't remember me at all? I can't be a stranger to her, it'll kill me. I can't do it, hyung. I'm not going to do it. I-" His voice broke, "I can't." 

"Seungmin, please. Even if she doesn't remember, she's still the same Cynthia. I found her watching the geese in the river. She still has her bubbly personality and-" 

"She doesn't love me!" Seungmin's voice raised. "That's the difference! She can't love what she doesn't remember. I'm sorry, but I can't." Tears blurred his vision. He collapsed onto the edge of his bed. "I'll call Flora right now." 

"Seungmin, wa-" 

Before Hyunjin could finish, Seungmin hung up the phone. Hyunjin sighed, put the phone back in his pocket, and headed back over to Cynthia. Even if he wanted Seungmin to see Cynthia, he couldn't force him to. 

Seungmin stood up, ran a hand through his hair, and began scrolling through his phone to find Flora's number. He hit the call button and began to pace around the room. The phone rang and rang and rang, but she didn't pick up. He clenched his jaw, hung up, and immediately redialed. It only rang a few times before the call was cut off. His phone buzzed with another text. 

'What do you want? I'm at work.' 

 He shot back a response telling her it was an emergency. His phone remained silent for a while until it rang. Flora's name flashed across the screen. He answered the call and shoved the phone against his ear. 

"What the fuck could your emergency possibly be? It better be important. I was in the middle of a work meeting and I had to step out into the hallway." 

Anger began to stir inside Seungmin. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to remain calm as he spoke. "Cynthia isn't in your apartment anymore." 

"What are you talking about? Did you kidnap her? I'll call the police and I-" 

"She left your apartment by herself!" Seungmin snapped. "You left her there alone on the day your complex had a practice fire drill! How could you be so careless?" 

Flora's voice came out in a hushed whisper. "What?" She walked further from her office door. 

"She left the apartment because the fire alarm went off and got lost. One of my band members found her at the river. You better get your ass back to your apartment complex, so you can take her back home. If this happens again, next time I'll keep her." 

"Shit," she mumbled. "I didn't realize that was today. I thought it was tomorrow and I had time to explain it before it happened." 

"Well, you didn't. You're lucky Hyunjin found her. She could have fallen into the river or been kidnapped or been hit in traffic or-" 

"You have some fucking nerve Kim fucking Seungmin. It was an accident! It's not like it was on purpose!" 

"And so was the car accident, but you act like it's entirely my fault!" 

Seungmin's feelings were constantly going back and forth. He blamed himself and then he blamed the sasaengs and then it was back to him. He was terrified that something else would happen to Cynthia. 

"Because that was your fault! You shouldn't have started to date her! She's an average person and you're a goddamn k-pop idol! How did you ever think that was going to work out well? She's not like you and she never will be!" 

"I never wanted her to be like me! That wasn't my intention! I tried my fucking best, Flora! I did everything right. I took every fucking precaution when it came to dating her. Do you seriously think I purposefully wanted her to get hurt? I tried my best!" 

"And yet your best wasn't good enough." Flora's words were spat with venom. "And now we're stuck in this goddamn mess and it's still your fault. I'll be at the apartment complex in twenty minutes. She better be there or I'm involving the cops." 

Seungmin couldn't get in another word before the phone hung up. He quickly sent Hyunjin a text message and once it was sent, he chucked his phone. It hit the wall with a loud thud and dropped to the ground. His legs buckled beneath him and he hit the hardwood floor. 

Outside in the dorm living room, the members were silent. They had been silent since they all heard Seungmin yelling. The two thuds that followed concerned them even more. The four guys shared looks before Lee Know pointed to Felix and gestured towards Seungmin's bedroom. 

Felix was up quickly and went to Seungmin's door. He knocked, but there wasn't a response. A pit of worry brewed in his gut. He held his breath, turned the knob, and opened the door. 

Seungmin was in a heap on the floor. His legs were crossed over each other and his head was in his hands. Felix pushed the door open wider and stepped inside. The door shut behind him and he began approaching Seungmin. He whispered his name and plopped down beside him. "Is everything okay?" 

The words were enough to send Seungmin bursting into tears again. Sobs wracked his body. Felix tugged him towards him and into his chest. He began to rub the younger member's back. 

"I've lost her, hyung," Seungmin managed to get out, "I've truly lost her."