Forget-me-not

Seungmin

The truth is that you can never escape someone you love. You can try to outrun the past. You might forget for a while, but then somewhere and somehow, that person finds you again. An old photograph from years ago. The whiff of the scent that they smelled like. Eating their favorite food. Watching an old movie that they rambled on and on about how much they enjoyed. 

In Seungmin's case, it was an old strand of Cynthia's hair. His clothes were damp because it was still pouring outside. The few seconds it took to get from Hyunjin's car back into his dorm, he was soaked. When he got inside, he headed directly into his bedroom. 

It was nearly three in the morning now. The rest of the guys were tucked away in their bedrooms. This time, they were sleeping unlike earlier. Lee Know told Seungmin that if he needed something, he'd keep his ringer on in his room and he could call him. Nobody was waiting for him when he got back inside. 

In fact, the place was entirely dark. Seungmin made his way to his bedroom with his hands outstretched in front of him. The familiarity and comfort of his room engulfed him when he arrived. He let out a sigh and began to strip out of the damp clothes. The last thing he needed on top of everything was a cold. 

A warm orange glow lit up the room. Instead of turning on the overhead light, he opted to turn on the lamp beside his bed. He shimmied out of wet jeans and into a pair of black basketball shorts. He shuffled through a box to find a clean shirt. 

It had been weeks, but he still hadn't found the energy to unpack his stuff from the boxes he brought from the apartment he shared with Cynthia. Despite everything, he still had that apartment. He couldn't give it up, not anymore, not now. Giving it up felt like giving up on his relationship entirely. 

He paid the full amount of rent instead of the usual half amount. Cynthia and him usually split everything. He tried to pick up most of the bills since he made more money, but Cynthia refused to hear it from him. In the end, everything worked out perfectly between them. 

He shuffled through the shirts trying to find a certain green one. He missed Cynthia more than usual tonight. How could he not after everything Hyunjin had told him? He sat through the conversation Hyunjin had with the cops trying not to cry. 

Flora had been the perpetrator, but in a way, she was right. Seungmin left Cynthia behind, but it wasn't on purpose. He wanted what was best for Cynthia. He assumed that Flora would have Cynthia's best interest in mind. He didn't think it'd torpedo into this overwhelming huge mess. 

When he found the forest green shirt, he pulled it out and slipped into it. His hands brushed over the top of it. He attempted to smooth out the few wrinkles that formed from it being thrown into the box. He wanted to leave that apartment as quickly as possible when he was packing. Instead of folding clothes neatly, he just tossed them into the box. 

He was about to climb into his bed when his fingers found it. He pinched it and held it up to the light. A long strand of brown hair twisted around his fingers. In that moment, she engulfed every scent of his. 

He remembered what it was like to run his fingers through the silky strands of her hair. When his fingers got stuck, he'd tease her and she'd playfully lecture him and swat his hand away. The two would bicker back and forth. 

Her hair always smelled like pomegranates. It was a light sweet scent that he adored. Her shampoo and conditioner contained some sort of pomegranate extract. Apparently, it had been for strengthening hair follicles or something like that. Now he wished he would have paid more attention to that conversation. 

He missed the sound of her soft-spoken voice. She could sing, but she was always shy about her voice. He used to catch and stand still at snippets of the soft melodies. She'd sing in the shower, while occasionally making breakfast, and performing other mundane tasks. 

She was so easily embarrassed about it that he pretended he'd never heard it, so she wasn't mortified. When she realized she was caught singing, she'd stop singing for a few days. Eventually, she'd forget and go back to singing without realizing it. He missed all of it. 

He used to come home and she'd cling to him and refuse to let go until he kissed her. She was always wearing some type of chapstick. She usually stuck with a basic cherry, but sometimes she'd throw him off with a minty peppermint or a light citrus. 

Sometimes he'd wake up and she wouldn't be in the bed beside him. He'd wander out to the kitchen and find her staring out the kitchen window watching the sun rise and eating a grapefruit. She took her time carefully peeling the fruit to reveal the acidic blood orange flesh inside. When her eyes would meet his, she'd smile immediately and greet him good morning. 

Orange sun rises and citrus. Soft spoken murmurers and the faint scent of pomegranate. She used to place the bouquets of flowers he got her in the middle of their kitchen table. Some floral scents were stronger than others. 

Every morning was filled with such effulgent vibrancy. The world was full of a rainbow of colors instead of black and white. Mornings used to be his favorite time of day. All the scents and the way the sun slipped through the kitchen curtains. It lit up Cynthia's face and revealed her freckles.

Life used to feel so lively before everything spiraled out of control. Seungmin clutched the strand of hair tighter. He kept hold of it as he turned off his lamp and climbed beneath the covers. He shut his eyes before his tears could fall. 

Until she was back in his arms, he'd hold tight to the memories and let them lull him to sleep.