To Love A Blind Beast

chapter 17.

Five days, that's how long Alpha Killian and his mate have spent together blocking out the rest of the world out. Those five days have been pure bliss. They have gotten to know each more. Mostly Liah chatting her mates ears out, but that was okay she was a talker and Killian is a listener. Both seem to have forgotten their duties too deep exploring the depth of their moon given bond.

Currently they were cuddled up on the back patio outdoor couch. They were enjoying the calming rainy weather, The fresh smell of water drops on the earth, animals in the forest trying to find shelter, the rumbling thunderstorms and blowing Chilly wind with a promise of more rain. To the both of them it was perfect.

That's one of the many things they had in common, love for nature, whether rainy or sunny and all throughout the season from winter to summer, as along as it involved nature they both loved it. They found it fascinating something worth marveling over a connection to the earth.

So when today's afternoon suddenly got cloudy and drops of rain hit the earth, they happily cozied up watching the rain, Killian making sure his mate was warmly clothed .

"And then I came back to start my own fashion house, like I have always dreamed. "

They were currently having a light conversation like they have been doing for the past five days. Liah was the one doing most of the talking as usual, but the alpha did make an effort.

"Why didn't you wait to find me?"

Killian had constantly wondered why they hadn't met for those four years, he had finally known his mate is 22. Today that question has been answered but it left a bitter hurtful feeling behind. Had she not wanted him, yes she didn't know it was him but wasn't she even curious?! She turned 18 then up and left, she left HIM!. Killian was never one to hide stuff, he had to know why.

"I did, for one month, I looked for you everywhere that I could think of, but I never found you. So my parents decided I should focus on something else as I searched elsewhere. "

Liah deliberately left out how desperate she was, she had a good share of embarrassing moments around his mate, she didn't need to add more.

"Kitten, when is your birthday?"
"March 30th, when is yours?"

Killian didn't answer, he was busy in his head doing that quick math. He was the one to blame. Four years, they had spent four years not knowing each other because of him. Four years, the stomach he was currently rubbing small soft circles, could be swollen with his pups. Maybe there could be a pup running around their house, which could be a home by now.

The thought of pups made his wolf stir in him ,growling lowly with want. But as much as Killian felt it too ,he couldn't allow his wolf to get what he wanted even thoughts. They were the reason why they were away from each other for four years. The reason they had continued living unknowingly in agony, unhappy and complete chaos. He didn't even understand how he had survived for 27 years without her in his life. And now that he knew he was the reason four years of this was deprived from them he simply felt sad.

Guilt, anger, self-loathing, more anger, regret,defeat, even more anger passed through him not knowing what emotion to settle for. When that soft, delicate hand he had now come to know all too well, was placed on his cheek, only one emotion was left. Sadness.

That particular month, he had experienced unexplainable emotion and irritability just like the one he felt that day when they first met, and now  he knew why. Back then it was worse, because according to his calculations it had started when his mate was almost 18, roughly a week before. And by the time she had turned 18 Killian was crazed, he had spent a few days in the dungeon chained up not to hurt anyone, before he finally broke the chains and went rogue for the rest of the month. That month was his darkest, he didn't even want to remember the things he had done out in the wild. He had later calmed down only to return back to his pack feeling empty and numb. Then he thought it was because of the rampage he had unleashed ,but know he knew the real reason.

Alpha Killian never felt ashamed of his actions but now he was, he didn't want his mate finding out just how much of a monster he was and that made him sad.

So he didn't tell his mate what real happened four years ago, but he did say something, one word that was foreign to his tongue, one little word to carry it all, one word that he knew she could understand.

"I'm sorry. "