See Me Now

Petra's Diary

I'm sick of hiding this.

In three days, we're going on the 57th Expedition outside the walls. Our task this time is to protect Eren Jeager at all costs. We will be stationed at the rear center which is the safest spot of the formation. After this, when we get home, I will tell Levi. I will tell Levi that I have been cheating on him.

I'm just so sick of his constant display of affection towards me. Yes, it was just when we were alone. But still, it makes me sick to see him like that, groveling at my feet like some underfed mongrel who can't live without its master. And the way he is with chores. I admit that it was one of the things that made me fall for him. But, now it's tiring. What's even more tiring is his constant demands for my body,...

For Sina's sake, I'm not a fucking whore! I'm so tired of this! The way he is now, it made him look so pathetically weak. I loved Levi because he's Humanity's Strongest Soldier, not because he's Humanity's Smoothest Lover. Now, I couldn't look at him in the eye without thinking of his awful flaws. Yes, he is strong, but over time I have grown to despise his weakness, which is his blind devotion towards me. My goodness, I've tried lots of times to break up with, he just wouldn't budge! He just couldn't get the hint! He's so numb! There! Another weakness of the so called Humanity's Strongest Soldier, for you! I hate weak people. And I hate him, too!

We just had sex two hours earlier, and that would be the last. I actually felt the need to cleanse my whole body. I called it making love before, now I only considered it as sex. No feelings, no sentimental value. Just plain, stupid, awful, lust - fueled sex. I will say this for him, it was a good thing he's so beautiful, otherwise, I could never stomach having sex with him. Captain Levi Ackerman who is not strong both mentally and physically and not as beautiful is not Captain Levi Ackerman, at all. It would be just a plain, old, boring, pedophile,...

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Why did I even let him have his way with me in the first place?! I felt so violated, so humiliated! I'm not (F/N). I'm not a fucking whore! I felt so, so disgusted with myself. And every time I look at that stupid dress he gave me, it just makes me awfully sick, I'd throw up!

It was a good thing that I met Rodrick. He knew I've been dating Levi, but he never gave up on me. He was the one who finally opened my eyes from my stupidity. He is even better than Levi! All those love bites he gave me, Levi even assumed he was the one who gave them to me, and he was even proud!

That's it! I'm so done with him! I will not be used like a slut anymore! The letter I sent to my father must've already reached him by now. What I wrote there was all true. I will dedicate myself to serving him in the Legion. That's it. He has to respect my decision to break up with him, because if not, I'll run away with Rodrick, as far away from here as possible, I swear on the three Walls.

I love Rodrick. I now know that he is the one for me, and not Levi. (F/N) is about to graduate from the Trainee Corps. I told that bitch not to join, but she still did. Stupid bitch. I'm sure she'll join the Legion. She's still obsessed with Levi for some reason. I do hope she'll end up with him, so Levi could no longer bother me. They would be a perfect match, the sex - crazed maniac and the obsessed slut. Just perfect.

Wait for me, Rodrick. Wait for me.

******

The 57th Expedition outside the walls did not end well. Many were pronounced dead, including the members of the Special Operations Squad, except for Captain Levi Ackerman, himself. Petra Ral, the Captain's former personal assistant, was one of them.

This is her final journal entry.