BEEN THROUGH

Past

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Seulgi never came back to visit us since she took the girls into our room, so I decided to go out for a moment and look for Seulgi. I was searching this particular figure in the dance floor but I haven't succeeded since the lights are too dim, the bar was already crowded with people and occupied with a loud music. I walk towards the countertop and order a glass of vodka under Stolichnaya brand, the bartender immediately handed me one. I took a sip of it until the glass is emptied, I asked for another one and drink it in one gulp. I was on my fifth glass when a tap on my shoulder caught my attention, I looked back and found out that it was Irene, the girl who broke up with me a year ago.

"Oppa, can I talk to you for a while?" She whispered into my ear due to the loud sound of music inside the bar.

I just give her a nod and finished the last glass of vodka that I'm holding while I just gave her a flat expression. I lead the way towards a corridor adjacent to the bar where in no people will pass by because it was an emergency exit. This is a good place to talk, no interruption and far from crowded people.

I stop my steps and turned around as I reach the dead-end corner of the corridor. I distance my self towards her.

"What do you want to talk?" I immediately asked.

She look at me in the eye with full of regret and pain. I smirk. Am I seeing it correctly? Or I'm in a delusional state again. Regret? Pain? Pssssh! It's too late now dear.

"Oppa, mianhe!" Now she looked down her gazes. I knew it already. Fuck this girl. Enough with your sorry. I'm so done!

"Jeongmal mianhe, if I broke up with you two years ago without giving you any explanation. I just realise now how important you are to me, how I can't live without you. I missed you. I miss everything about you, the things you only did for me." She continued but her voice sounded cracked. She's already crying.

I just listen to her. I did not voice out any words.

"I was blinded with our popularity way back then, that it came to a point that I felt scared if the public knows our relationship. I was at my peek of my career then, I don't want to loose any opportunities that can help boost my career, I needed more time on my idol life than to be with you, you can't blame me if I acted that way." She was already sobbing while saying her explanation to me that I wanted to hear two years ago.

"Wae? Kapchagi? Why are you only saying this to me now?" I ask her and let out a deep sigh.

She lift up her face with a tears falling from her eyes. I wanted to comfort her, but  I tried to stop myself. It really breaks my heart if I saw a girl crying in front of me.

"Because I just realise that I still have feelings for you. I— I still love you." She answered.

I suddenly laugh at what she said. She still love me? Then why did she broke up with me? I gave her my everything. Time, effort, focus, priority, everything that I even forget to think about myself. I can fully understand that she's maintaining her image as a part of a girl group, I can understand if she ask for a space way back then because she needed more time on her group. If she said to me that she need to focus more on her group then I will give her space, I will give her time. I was willing to wait for her. However, this girl broke up with me and no explanation was heard, I was left hanging. Then, today, suddenly approaches me and confessed that she still loves me? The heck! What kind of game is she playing this time? I admit, I was hurt, I felt the pain when she left me, I felt sad all this time because I wasn't able to hear an explanation to our so-called-break-up, that's why I was always hesitant on approaching other idol girls. Right now, right in front of this girl, I just realise that it was just a longing feeling towards the girl, not love. The love already vanished the time she chose to left me behind.