Infidelity

17

The party goes on until midnight. Bra white complains that he has to be up early the next morning and get back all his losses for today. His excuses don't make any sense though, but we let him be because of his old age, which he never wants to admit to.

He reassures me that my job is safe and waiting for me whenever I'm well and ready.

I thank everyone before saying my goodbyes and leaving with Keletso.

We're both very drunk and I see it as a good idea to let him drive. When did I ever become so reckless.

Whilst in the car, I begin to feel a bit conflicted. I want to tell him to drive me to my place but I also find myself not wanting to be alone.

I begin to think about Sandile. I hope he's not thinking the worst of me. but what else would make him deliberately ignore my birthday. He's definitely doing it on purpose. He's the one person who always remembers, even when everyone forgets, even when I forget. He calls. That's how I know...

I hear Keletso's incoherent voice. I'm not quite sure what he said, so I don't say anything.

"I said we're not going home yet" I notice again by his slurred speech that he's too drunk to be driving.

"you know, you shouldn't be driving." I point out to him even though I'm as drunk as he is.

His voice sounds a bit strained as he laughs at me.

"where are we going?" I ask him.

"relax I'm not going to kill you" he jokes but I don't laugh.

"do you kill people?" the words are more frantic than I expected them to be. I guess it's the alcohol.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. I focus on his every move. He tightens his grip on the stirring wheel. His entire focus is on the road as he tenses up. I become worried that he might cause an accident but I'm not too worried because it seems like this id the only car on the road.

"what if I did?" he relaxes a bit after asking me the question. I'm well aware that he's trying to lighten the mood and change the subject without actually changing the subject. I'm dealing  with a manipulative psychopath here. I must thread carefully.

I should be treating this as a red flag but being this drunk isn't helping my judgement.

Maybe I'm overthinking things and I should just go with the flow.

"if you did... you'd be the number one suspect." he seems please with the reply I give him, however he seems more pleased with himself. I can see from the side view of his face that he has that victory smug plastered across his face.

"there you have it" he says.

Don't overthink it, I remind myself.

***

He parks in front of a very big house or hotel. I'm too drunk, I can't really tell.

"Is this your house?" I ask him as soon as we're out of the car.

"no silly we're at a hotel" he laughs at my drunk stupidity. "I've booked a massage for you and anything and everything for the birthday. I need a drink whilst you get settled in" I want to reprimand him for drinking too much but I'm also drunk, so whatever.

How did I become so reckless. I'm not too far from a junkie. I'm sure my dad would be so disappointed if he ever found out. I try not to think about my mother. Thinking about her brings back a flood of painful memories. I try pushing to the back of my mind.

The massage relaxes me and I'm partly sobered up after it.

I lie on the bed, facing upwards. The tears start streaming sown my temples. I hear the sound of the door closing and I quickly sit up and wipe my tears. I hope my eyes don't give me away.

"it's the last day" he laughs whilst biting his lower lip playfully.

"are you high?" I try hard enough to conceal the fact that I was crying. he seems to be ignorant and I couldn't be more grateful. 

"We're done. yeah we're done" his voice become teary.

"yeah we're done" I agree with him.

"the grand finale has to be perfect!" he exclaims dramatically.

"I'm sorry" I try to as sincere as I can be.

"I'll be out of your life and never to return again" he's in my face as he whispers the words and I'm reminded of our first night together. Our first kiss together.

"stop talking" I put my lips on his. His breath has a faint scent of weed and something sweet. He pushes me away before I can figure out what it is.

"what are you doing?" I don't know why I'm angry but I am.

"what am I doing? What are you doing? last time I checked, you had your precious boyfriend" he yells at me and I cave in.

"I don't understand you" I laugh in disbelief. "you don't want me to talk about him and it's okay if you mention him, in a situation like this?"

"don't involve me in your confusion. I'm only saving you the guilt and I'm sparing myself from the embarrassment and rejection! it's a win-win!"

"really?"

"yeah and I'm not your toy!"

"come on Keletso..."

"enjoy the rest of your birthday" he slams the door.

I jump slightly as the door slams. I stare at it blankly not knowing what to do. I honestly can't believe his reaction. He spends all of his time telling me he wants me and when I accept his advances, he rejects me. Who the hell does he think he is?