Infidelity

44

Nine months pregnant...

I can barely see my feet or feel them...

Giving birth is one thing I'm dreading more than getting married.

Keletso called me with an unknown number but I knew it was him so I didn't answer. That must've surely frustrated him but he didn't call again. He sent the driver anyway.

I didn't answer because I knew what he was calling about. I guess news about my mother are more dreadful than the things I thought were my biggest fears.

I'm sitting in the car quietly afraid to say anything that might lead to a trigger. I want to stop the car and go back, but what am I going back to that is different from what I'm headed for. My mother will always be a part of me as much as I'm a part of these little beings who have held my body hostage.

Atleast I'll be seeing him. He just makes everything better and I spend everyday trying to love him as much as he does me.

Maybe if I eliminate all this pain I'm using him for,then things will be better. Maybe then I'll start seeing him as a person instead of an antidepressant. If I can't do it for him, I'll have to do it for my children and if I can't do it at all, then there's no place for me in their lives.

My children?

Those dreams were meant to be shared with Sandile but then I guess fate had other plans for us.

Sandile.

He made sense too. He gave me hope but then I guess it was false hope. None of us were honestly and earnestly true to each other. I gave him the version of me that I wanted to be not who I truly was. Keletso on the other hand stripped down all my walls and saw me. The true me. The me that I hide away from everyone else and the world. He saw the broken me and he devoted himself to destroy anything that would break me in the future.

I know he doesn't want to fix me and he doesn't know how. But fixing me is up to me and if I can't do that, these children are doomed. But there is yet hope for them in the form of a father, an aunt and a grandfather. I'm quite sure that Sphe would jump at opportunity of being a godparent.

"Ma'am we're here." The driver tells me and I'm suddenly aware of his presence and everything around me. At this rate, I might forget the baby, thinking I misplaced it whilst it's in my arms.

Keletso is pacing all over the room and he lurches himself at me as soon as he sees me.

In his embrace, I feel his tension easing all around me.

"You scared me." His breathing is a bit shaky.

"More like you terrified me." I chuckle ironically. "I know the reason why you called me here but can we talk about other things. I don't want to run out of here when I've only just got here."

"Fair enough. But are you okay?" He examines me with his eyes and hands.

"I don't know Keletso. Everything is just happening too quickly. I'm getting bigger and bigger. I'm crying all the time. I'm eating all the time and I'm peeing all the time."

"Okay, okay . Let's lie down." He suggests.

"I can't lie down on my back." I complain and pout.

"Okay. We will lie down on our sides and we'll face each other." His patience is astounding. Back at home, I complain once and they leave me to my devices. That is exactly what I want but when I'm here, I just want to be babied. I'd surely die if he left me alone.

"I went to see your favourite poet." I tell him.

"Really?" He cups my cheek and proceeds with caressing it. I grab his hand and use it as a pillow instead.

"Yeah. There was this one poem that caught my attention." I'm suddenly filled with sadness.

To avoid crying, I instruct him to search for my phone in my bag. Whilst he is distracted I compose myself and push my tears back.

I hide behind the phone searching for the clip, as soon as he hands it to me. I hand it back to him when I find the clip.         

   **

Life gets in the way of love.

Life always gets in the way of life and love will stand by, as life passes by leaving it behind.

Love will wait for the one who got away, disregarding the one who stood by through thick and thin.

Love will wait, it will stand still whilst life goes on like nothing happened. Love will remind you of the pain, day after day.

Life will take love away and it will leave willingly because life is above love.

WeirdNisah

**

The clip ends and he looks at me.

"Your mother is dead."

What I see in his eyes is something I wish to never see at all but I always come across it on occasion. As much as he acknowledges it, he doesn't like facing the fact I am unable to reciprocate his feelings. When he's made aware of the fact, it just drives him mad.

"You're just saying that to hurt me." My impassive act is good enough to keep me stable but it just happens to anger him more.

"I called you here to tell you that your mother is dead." He looks at me with tears in his eyes.

I gasp as I feel a sharp pain and moist between my thighs.

"What is it?"

"The water broke." His shock matches mine. We both look at belly and in each other's eyes with no knowledge or comprehensive of what we should be doing.

We're both bewildered.