Infidelity

46

Keletso

"Where is she!" I don't care if this warden deserves my anger or not but I pay him well enough so it doesn't really matter.

In all honesty my anger is directed at the wrong person. I'm angry at her. I'm angry at myself. But most importantly I'm falling apart and I might've just lost the only thing that keeps me sane.

She keeps me afloat, she grounds me. My imperfect gravity. But all seem to do is hurt her.

Why did I tell her about her about her mother?

Why did I mention her in the first place?

I should have let it go after her reaction.

Stupid!

"I'm not stupid, your the stupid one you dumb jailbird," the warden says.

I growl and he steps away from the bars even though he wasn't that much close to them.

"Say that again when I'm out of here. But it doesn't really matter where I am , I can always get to you." I'm breathing like a hungry beast, clutching onto the cold prison bars.

"I can make your life in here very difficult young man. You're not the only person who has me on a payroll. There are dogs bigger than you." He is still standing at a safe distance from the bars.

He's all bark and no bite. His threats don't scare me at all but I fall apart.

"It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what happens to me now, she's gone. I have nothing to live for." Tears prick my eyes and they tickle my cheeks as they roll down.

"Quit your whining. It was you who had her moved to a private hospital. And you have the power to find her" he explains sarcastically.

I know I have the means to find her but I can't force her to come back here. She told me to leave. I don't know if I'll ever see her again or my kids.

I should probably admit to myself that it is not her who worries me. It's that bloody Sandile. He is the promise and the deliverance of a better life for her. It pains me to admit it. I see him as a threat, a hindrance to my happiness.

Unrequited love or not, I'm more than happy to have her in any way. But I hurt her intentionally, even though she's trying. In the midst of labour pains, she admitted to trying.

I'm an idiot. I truly am. In her presence, I'm the greatest of fools. I cannot see what is infront of me. I cannot appreciate it. She used to spend time with me, even when she was still with her stupid boyfriend.

I dial her number carefully on the phone even though it is saved.

I hold my breath after pressing 'dial'.

"Hello..." It is not her voice on the other end.

I've lost my voice as I only manage to breathe.

"Keletso she's sleeping." Her twin sister informs me but it's no help at all.

"I'm not sleeping!"

I hear her voice and I shut my eyes as relief washes over me.

"You were pretending."

"I'm not in the mood for company," she says and I giggle.

"You're a gone girl sis. I know you won't admit it but you're a gone girl."

"Just give me the damn phone before he ends the call."

I can hear a struggle and momentarily distracted until I hear her voice in my ear.

"Hello..." She's unsure of herself.

I draw in air. My lungs feel refreshed.

"I have so much medication inside of me so I'm a bit confused. I don't remember much of what happened in the last few days but I know we didn't part on good terms." Her sweet voice is enough to make me forgive her.

"I forgive you. All is forgiven and forgotten." The solemn words tumble out of my mouth without any regret thereafter.

"You're also forgiven but you were really not at fault. Your execution needs more work though." She tells me.

"Yes ma'am." I chuckle and so does she.

"Your driver calls me that." She laughs and it's the sweetest thing I haven't heard in a long time.

"How're the kids." I ask.

"They're healthy and growing and feeding off of me." I imagine her pouting after the complaint.

"They better not finish you off or there'll be trouble." I joke and she rewards me with a laugh.

"Our baby girl has your eyes." She informs me.

Our baby girl.

It sounds so surreal.

I chuckle in disbelief. Disbelief filled with joyous confusion.

"Our baby girl huh? I still can't believe I'm dad, though I feel like I have already failed her." Sadness clutches onto my heart.

"I also feel guilty." She confesses. "Survivor's guilt, they call it. Why am I the exception."

"I don't know either. I've always seen you as punishment but I guess you're also a blessing in disguise. You've shown me the light and I only hope that my kids don't have to carry the burden of my sins."

"I hope so too. But with what I've witnessed with my father, I feel that certain things are rather inevitable. No matter how much we want to shield our loved ones from the pain, it always finds them one way or another," I can she feels sad too .

"What are you suggesting?"

"The deserve to know the truth, no matter how difficult or damning it is, they deserve to make their own choices. As soon as they old enough, as they soon as they are able to comprehend it, they will know the truth." She declares it and all I can do is take in a deep breath and release.

Why is life so complicated. It seems simple from the outside but once you enter, it seems there's no way out.