Infidelity

33

Days have turned into weeks. And weeks into months without my awareness.

I live my life like I'm a zombie and I only eat for the sake of my children. I occasionally bump into Sphe and Sandile at the hospital where they are interns.

There's always tension between the three of us. Tonight is the night of the dinner I've been invited to by Sosha, Sandile's brother. I'm only going there because I've been feeling very lonely lately.

My belly is only showing slightly but I've learnt how to hide it very well. The weight gain has me doing a lot of explaining but all of that comes down to saying the right thing and avoiding speculation at all costs.

I've been talking to my dad but I wish I could see him. All I have is his voice.

**

I take a deep breath before knocking on the door. I've only been here a couple of times. Sandile's estrangement from his family hindered me from having an actual, civilised relationship with them.

Sosha opens the door for me and motions for me to enter. He leans in for a hug but I opt for a handshake instead.

As much as we're not together anymore, I still don't like aggravating him. He never did like it when I was too cosy with other guys.

Oh please.

My subconscious rolls her eyes at me.

I sit down on the table. The table is a rectangular shape with six chairs. I'm sitting alone on the one long side whilst Sosha and his girlfriend are sitting side by side opposite of my side. The boy's father is sitting at the head of the table whilst Sandile is sitting on the opposite side, at the end of the table.

"You've gained a lot of weight." Sandile points out.

"Yeah. I noticed." I'm being curt on purpose.

"Of course with your appetite, it was inevitable." He sneers at me.

"Not the time or the place." I grit my teeth.

"Leave the girl alone." His brother admonishes him but he remains relentless.

"Practice what you preach!" He shouts at him and I flinch.

I'm startled by his father's fist colliding with the table.

"Sandile!" He shouts.

"Take his side like you always do." Sandile mumbles but we can all hear him.

"I'm not taking sides. I just want a peaceful dinner with both my sons under the same roof." He says

"Peace?! There'll never be peace whilst this slut is here. I can make peace with the thing with our mother, but my own brother sleeping with my girlfriend in my own home, that I can never forgive." His eyes are glistening with tears.

"You're really never letting that go." His brother's girlfriend scoffs in disbelief.

I look from his brother's girlfriend and towards him. My brain slowly pieces the puzzle together. My brain has been incredibly slow since the pregnancy and it's wildly annoying.

"Wait, what?" I laugh but there's no humour in my laughter.

"So I've been living in her shadow all these years but you have the nerve to stand there and play the victim." I clap my hands and continue to laugh.

Men!

My subconscious rolls her eyes and I agree with her .

"I am the victim." The convention in his tone shocks me.

"Oh my good..." The room begins to spin as my whole body leans to one side. I feel as light as a feather.

I can feel two fingers checking for my pulse on my wrist before they move to my neck.

"Give her space." I hear a lot of shuffling and voices.

He's going to know!

The alerting thought races through my mind.

He can't know. Not like this.