Infidelity

41

He lays on the bed, facing the ceiling. His head is resting on his bent arm, expiring his muscles. I swallow the extra saliva and shrug off my lust. There's no help for it. I'm not going to enjoy it anyway.

He remains silent and I also don't want to rush him. He counts in whispers.

"Are you panicking?" For some reason, I am quite concerned. I want the reason for it to be the hormones so I decide that it is them.

"No..." He let's out a breath. "I don't know. I don't remember..."

"Tell me what you know then." I urge him.

I get on top of the bed and I try sitting with my lags crossed. After plenty of failed attempts I resign to stretching them out instead.

"I was young and incredibly smart--"

He stops when he hears me laughing and snorting. He patiently waits for me to finish. There isn't much emotion in his eyes but he neither angry or annoyed.

"Sorry, I thought you were going to say dumb but I guess it's a good thing that your story isn't going to be cliché. What's even more funny ...are you always so arrogant?" I cover my mouth to regain some sort of composure but I'm failing.

He smiles. A smile that doesn't reach his eyes. He's making me feel sad and I don't want to feel sad.

"I guess I've always been arrogant." He shrugs and then he returns to his initial position.

"I was a smart kid." He pauses to smirk. " Alone in an orphanage with my baby sis. I don't remember our parents." He lets out a heavy breath.

"Long story short, a man saved me so I owed him my life. I was okay with doing whatever he asked of me. I knew about his trafficking business but he always said I was too young for it. Even when I turned 18. He only let me in on it when I turned 20, that's when I found out about my sister. She was on the list. I lost it when I saw her name and the last thing I remember is his castrated body. In the past, he had never allowed anyone to be too close to him until he met me. He practically saw me as his little boy. So I was able to forge paperwork and everything he owned became mine."

"The house." I say.

"That cold house that never feels like home." I can sense the bitterness in his tone. It's coming from a very dark place .

"Wait, why did you leave the orphanage? You could've gotten adopted."

He scoffs.

"No one wants kids from a building that could fall over at any time unless they very desperate. Usually the desperate ones want newborn babies."

"Okay fair point but why, after getting all the money, didn't you go clean or something?"

"Would we have met?" He jokes. His chuckle is warm and puts me slightly at ease.

"Please do not romanticise or justify this. We're the worst match ever. I'm sure hell doesn't even want us." I look away from him.

There's tention lingering in the air and neither of us are keen on saying a word.

"I'm glad I met you. Even with the most damning circumstances, I'm glad. I guess I've always been searching for something or someone who would pull me out of the darkness. My sister couldn't because, she was in the darkness with me and each time she complained, I thought she was being ungrateful. Even without being loved, I'm glad I fell in love." His confessions and declarations always hit differently but they land just the same.

"Keletso I don't want to talk about Sandile if it bothers you." I feel my heart burning and I don't if it's because I'm thinking about Sandile.

"I want you to talk about him. You said we should talk, now talk." He throws my own words at me and I laugh. I'm amused and slightly shocked at the same time.

"Well I love... I loved him but it seems it was never enough. I know he loved me too but he just allowed everything with his ex and his brother to get in the way, now everyone is the enemy. Everyone is at fault except for him."  I explain in the best way I know how.

"If he were to fix his faults, would you two fix things." I can tell that he's afraid of my answer and I so desperately want to tell him not to worry, but I also don't want to warrant him any false hope.

"That ship has long sailed. Look we're not a match made in heaven or hell either but you make sense to me. I don't know what that means but it works." I shrugg.

"I'll take whatever works."

The silence between us isn't awkward at all. It's a necessary silence, a moment for us to take in and process all that has transpired between us in the past and the present, whilst we contemplate the dreadful future.

"Come here," I say to him.

"Huh?" He raises his head along with his eyebrow.

"Come here." I smile at him.

He sits up and reluctantly does as I say. He kneels before me with his knees astride my hips. The contact makes me think a million things that I won't be able to do. A mischievous smile dances on my lips.

In order to ignore my wayward thoughts, I hug him. That was the initial intent before I got distracted. The hug takes him by surprise.

"O-kay." He says.

"Yes. Okay. We're all going to be okay." I feel like I should assure him and the kids more than myself. I guess my maternal instincts are starting to kick in.

**

Hey guys, we're almost to the finish line. Please bear with me a little longer whilst I try to tie up the last knots. I hope I'll finish before the end of December but I'm not making any promises. Happy festive season and I hope y'all enjoy your holidays 🖤 happy reading 🖤