𝐃𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥'𝐬 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐭 [𝐒𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐀𝐭𝐬𝐮; 𝐂𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐞 𝐀𝐔]

|11|

!!TRIGGER WARNING!!

[ A t s u m u ]

"You are truly pathetic!" My dad shouts, swiping his hand across the dinner table which causes the plates of food and glasses of water to spill and break on the floor. He continues shouting, heavy tears streaming down my face.

I'm scared...

"Get the fuck out of here, go to your room!" The man demands, pointing to the stairs that lead to the basement. Letting out a harsh sob, I run downstairs and slam the door shut. Realizing what I just did, I run to my bed and slide in under it. Within a few seconds, my dad enters the room with a whip in hand.

Placing my hands over my mouth to keep myself quiet, he whistles in a creepy manner. "Get out from under there, Atsumu~ if you listen, I'll go easy on you..." He says in a sweet tone.

Gulping, I slide out from under my bed and stand before him. Without warning, he whips my chest, making me cry out in pain before falling to my knees.

"NEVER slam your door! Do you hear me?! NEVER!" He screams at the top of his lungs, whipping me again, but this time at my back. "You are pathetic, useless, and worthless! Heh, we all hate you. Why don't you all go do us a fucking favor and die?! Oh, that's right! You can't BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO SCARED!"

"P-Please! I'll do anything you ask, j-just stop!" I beg, pressing my forehead on the carpet.

The man bends down and grips my hair, lifting my head up. "Be a man and take this punishment." He spits out coldly, standing up to whip at my back. I cry into my hands, my body trembling violently out of fear.

What did I do to deserve this? I did nothing. I followed every rule there was in this house! I waited for my food, I never complained about something I wanted but couldn't get, I treated everyone with respect, and I even cleaned around the house... But apparently, that's not enough to be treated like a normal human being... Like a normal son.

After 5 minutes, he's done. I wince, standing up once he leaves. Walking to my full body mirror, heavy tears stream down my face as I turn to look at the whip scars. He broke through my shirt and the wounds are bleeding.

What did I do?

—

Flinching awake, I gulp and sit up, looking around until I spot Kiyoomi sleeping peacefully beside me. Thinking of my scars, I stand up quietly and look out the window to see the moon shining brightly. Heading into the bathroom, I close the door before lifting my shirt over my head and turning to look at the wounds that never fully healed.

Bringing my hand up to touch one of them, tears slide down my face.

Glancing down at the sink, a razor can be spotted next to the faucet. I wonder what would happen if I... No, that would hurt too much.

Opening the drawers one by one, I find a ibuprofen bottle in the bottom drawer. Gulping, I stare at myself in the mirror and notice how skinny I am. Oikawa would say I look great, hell, Kiyoomi and Iwaizumi would say the same thing. But I think otherwise.

"What would happen if I took 10...?" I ask myself quietly, staring at the bottle. "Each one is 200 mg, so 200 x 10 is 2000 mg." I mumble just before hearing a knock on the door. My eyes widen in surprise, accidentally dropping the open pill bottle. Kiyoomi opens the door and stares at me with an uncertain expression.

"Please tell me you were just taking some for pain..." He says, his voice shaky. Shutting my eyes tightly, I slowly drop down to my knees and begin to cry silently. Bending forward, he stiffens at sight of the wounds on my back. "What... the fuck..."

Letting out a harsh sob, I snap him out of his trance which causes him to kneel down beside me and hold me close to him. "Shh... Baby, you're okay..." He whispers, running his hand through my hair while kissing me on the forehead.

"I-I'm not okay... I'm really not. I put on this happy face, but in reality, I'm broken... I'm fucking broken." I speak through tears, clutching onto the back of his shirt. "I want to die, Omi! I want to fucking die!"

"No... No you don't." He says sternly, holding me close to him. Sobbing, I mutter the words over and over again. "You don't want to die, Atsu. You just want the pain to stop. You want to stop hurting all together, but killing yourself won't solve anything." He says softly, rocking me back and forth.

"Please, make it stop!" I beg. "I-I've been alone for so long, I can't take it anymore!"

"You're not alone, Atsu." Kiyoomi says, tears welling in his eyes. Rei, Maya, and Oikawa peek into the bathroom, their expressions turning into ones of pain and worry. "You've made it this far, love... Keep going for us. For me..."

"B-But I can't... It's so hard.. I can't take it.." I whisper, pausing before speaking again. "I can't forget... I can't forget every small mistake I made that prompted him to use the whip on me. Nothing I did was good enough to gain love from my parents!"

"Love, please..."

"I hate this life, I want to go to sleep and never wake up." I say bluntly through tears, my chin quivering. "He watched... He watched me get beaten by our dad. Not once did he step in to stop him! He was taught that what dad was doing was right! He was taught that I did everything wrong and that I didn't deserve the love I'm given by people! And my mom... Oh boy, she didn't do shit either!"

At this point, he's crying too.

"I'm self-destructive and hard to deal with... I need constant reassurance, and I always think bad about everything. Suicide has always been an option in my head, but as my father always said, I'M TOO FUCKING SCARED!"

Oikawa places his hand over his mouth, walking away as the two girls cry silently. "Baby... It's going to get better. We will make sure of it." The raven says, holding me close to him as I sob loudly.

He continues to listen to my complaining, and eventually, I fall tired. "Come on, love... Let's go back to bed." Kiyoomi says softly before looking to his sisters. "Could you leave us?" At this, the two nod before walking off out of the bedroom, closing the door behind them. He picks me up bridal style and walks over to the bed, laying me down.

Climbing into bed behind me, he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into him.

—

Hina sets a cup of coffee down on the coffee table in front of me, looking at me worriedly as I stare forward, ignoring the pain in my head. "Honey, are you okay?" She asks, sitting beside me.

"I just spent 15 or so minutes crying last night, so no, I'm not okay." I respond as nicely as I can.

"Kiyoomi told me... He's scared for you, he's worried that you'll go through with it someday. But let me tell you something... I have never seen him look at someone the way he looks at you. You brighten up his life more than all of us combined. When you're not around, he talks about you constantly, always complimenting you saying how beautiful you are and how sweet you are. All of us agree on one thing, you're just a broken soul who's trying to find his way out of the darkness."

"Really?" I ask quietly, looking at her.

"Mhm. He really loves you, dear. Leaving would do numbers on him, especially if he lost you to suicide. Suicide is never the answer. The best you can do is try to cope with the thoughts, and to do that, you need to let us help you."

"I'll try..."

"Good. Now, how about I fix you something to eat?" She asks as I smile and nod. "There's that smile!"